DEAR ABBY: My partner and I have just suffered a miscarriage. It was our first pregnancy, and even though it wasn’t planned, it was very much wanted. Now that I have recovered from the miscarriage and passed my medical clearances, I have noticed a significant increase in arguments. I know it’s happening because we are both still grieving. However, it almost feels like he is trying to push me away.
I do my best to reassure him every day that we will get through this together, and I try my hardest to make sure he knows how loved he is. I’m also working on acknowledging that his healing path will be different from mine. I give him space and have assumed more household duties to take some pressure off him. None of it seems to make a difference.
I’m struggling with how to address my concerns about us coming apart at the seams while still allowing him his space to heal. I also struggle with giving him advice when he asks for it. Because I had to physically go through it, my reactions and methods of healing are substantially different than his. That said, I don’t want to minimize his grief or feelings when we talk. What more can I do? — GOING FORWARD IN WASHINGTON
DEAR GOING FORWARD: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your pregnancy, which has been traumatic for both you and your partner. I agree that couples don’t necessarily grieve in unison, if that’s what’s going on. Because you have been doing everything you can to lighten the load on your partner and nothing has worked, consider consulting a licensed psychotherapist to help you both navigate more effectively through this painful time.