Maybe I am getting old. I remember a time when TV and water were free and porn cost money. I remember when LGBT meant a lettuce, guacamole, bacon and tomato sandwich. Members of my generation can actually fly into an airport or eat a sandwich without posting it on Facebook.
Now, I’m certainly not a “grammar Nazi” or a word nerd, especially given the locker-room opinions I spew weekly (some would say “weakly”). But young people out there really need to focus on cleaning up their language, especially as it relates to overusing three words that are dumbing down the English language: “like,” “literally” and “amazing.”
For the 40-and-unders out there, you know how you use the word “like” in, like, every other sentence? Don’t!
When folks my age (those who can remember the TV show “Cheers”) interview you for a job, your use of the word “like” as some filler crutch word is maddening to us. And when done in a high-pitched, nasal, Kardashian-Valley Girl way, it’s akin to torture. The “uptalking” you use to end each sentence makes it sound like a question. It is a sing-song way of speaking, but it makes you seem vapid, imprecise and, quite frankly, stupid. This has gone on too long, and I have been meaning to say something about it.
Please stop.
You know how you kids use the word “amazing,” like, all the time? Don’t.
Witnessing your child’s birth is amazing. Your sandwich from Whole Foods is not “amazing.” Neither are the jeans Ashley just bought nor the top she wears with it.
The synonyms in the dictionary for “amazing” include: astonishing, wonderment, astounding, stunning, shocking, breathtaking, spectacular, stupendous and phenomenal. Ashley’s jeans have been mass-produced in a Chinese sweatshop for 50 years; there is nothing “amazing” about them. So please stop using “amazing” for anything mildly above average.
Also, when you order in a fast-food joint in front of me, do not start every order with “Could I have … a Big Mac?” Of course you can; just step up and say, “Big Mac, please.” No one ever tells you that you cannot have a Big Mac. It is not a question to the server; it is your order. Be quick, precise, pay and get out of us older folks’ way. We do not have much more time to live.
The words “like” and “amazing” tend to be used by young women. For some reason, the men of this generation have taken to ending their sentences with a groan or a tapered-off grunt. I’m not sure why that started happening, but it also is annoying. Please stop.
Maybe it is a primal noise whereby modern-day men, neutered in college by the system, are seeking to reclaim some sort of caveman-like aura. Look guys, you like to grow beards now, but you cannot change a tire or drive a stick shift car. So, stop it with the faux macho/Mumford and Sons persona. We ain’t buying it.
Lastly, you know how both men and women use the word “literally” way too often? Please stop.
“Literally” is a crutch word used when you are trying to bring emphasis to an otherwise boring story about yourself. I heard a guy say the other day, “It was literally raining cats and dogs.” Now unless there was an explosion at the humane shelter, this cannot “literally” be true. For “literally” to work, what you are saying must have a figurative meaning that is actually happening. That does not occur in every other sentence when you are telling a story about you and your roommate, Skeeter, going to a concert. If you use it too much, you can join a literary society: Americans Who Figuratively Use Literally, or A.W.F.U.L.
Contact Ron Hart, a syndicated op-ed satirist, author and TV/radio commentator, at Ron@RonaldHart.com or Twitter @RonaldHart.