DEAR ABBY: My son is demanding that I tell his father and brother to call him to apologize for past behaviors and attitudes that hurt him. He says if I don’t, he will no longer come home for any visits. He lives in the East; we are in the Midwest. I have traveled alone to visit him, but it’s getting harder as my car and I age.
His father had alcohol issues as well as mental health issues and was abusive, but has been sober for several years now. I have been in Al-Anon for more than 25 years and still attend meetings. I don’t know how to respond to my son’s demands. What’s your advice? — MEDIATING MOM IN IOWA
DEAR MOM: I don’t blame your son for avoiding people who cause him pain. Tell him that an apology that is coerced is no apology at all. Part of addiction recovery is the requirement to make amends to those the addict has wronged or hurt. Your husband has not done that, nor has your son’s brother. Continue to visit your son as long as you can, but do not allow him to involve you in this, because it won’t work.
DEAR ABBY: I’ve been seeing “Ronald” for a little more than a year. He’s nine years older than I am, and we don’t really have a lot in common. He has feelings for me, but I don’t feel the same toward him. He has helped me out a lot financially, and doesn’t expect me to pay him back.
The problem is, I have met someone else. “Jack” and I have so much in common. We knew a lot of the same people when we were younger. He recognized me after I showed him a picture from my younger days. We both have feelings for each other. He’s a year younger than I am. I just don’t know what to do. Please help. — MIXED-UP IN THE SOUTH