DEAR ABBY: My best friend is getting married next year and is planning for her bachelorette party. Right now, they are looking at places that have a three- or four-night minimum and would cost each person more than $500. (That’s just to rent the place.) It wouldn’t cover food, gifts, etc.
My friend isn’t a fancy, extravagant person, so I was shocked by the length of time I’ll need to take off from work and the amount of money I will have to spend. I worry if I try to (nicely) say something, it will come across as not caring about her, her wedding or doing this for her. It’s not that I can’t afford it, and I think I should have some time off available, but it’s going to cost more than I’m comfortable with. Am I being unreasonable? I wouldn’t want to not make her feel special. — SOUR ON IT IN INDIANA
DEAR SOUR: You are not being unreasonable. You are practical, and your reasoning is sound. If your friend’s bachelorette party will be more of a financial stretch than you can comfortably afford, you need to level with her, because the wedding will cost you even more. What isn’t reasonable is for her to expect everyone to drop everything and blow their budgets in order for her to feel special.
DEAR ABBY: I had a best friend I got together with weekly. She decided she needed to move away to a quieter place. Of course, I was disappointed, but I supported her decision because it was right for her. She promised me nothing would change, but we lived too far apart for our weekly visits to continue, so I hoped we would talk weekly by phone.
She canceled our last get-together, saying she was stressed and busy preparing for the move. I told her I understood, and I’d give her space and time to settle in and would wait for her call when she was ready. The call never came.