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Weekend winners
Mystic Dan. You win the Derby, and you have a life set for a king as you walk your way into your golden years. Do horses smoke cigarettes?
The Dodgers. Yes, the Braves are squarely on the hook too, but as bad as the Braves were over the weekend was as good as the Dodgers were. Now remember that a) the Braves did not see the prized Japanese starting pitcher that was acquired in the offseason and b) Dodgers flamethrower Walker Bueller makes his season debut this week. The Braves 1-2-3 part of the order is great; the Dodgers 1-2-3 part of the order is all-time great.
Caitlin Clark. War Caitlin. Yes, it’s preseason, which is akin to Iverson’s “We talkin’ ’bout practice” rant, but with the target on the rookies back that has been fueled by the bitterness of the WNBA veterans’ jealousy, Clark’s debut had 21 points including five 3s.
Dramatic finishes. Mystic Dan was one of the closest finishes in Derby history and then Kyle Larson wins one of the closest NASCAR finishes ever on Sunday. Let’s check the replay. Again.
Alabama basketball. Yeah, UK is overhauling its roster through the portal. Nate Oats and the Tide are augmenting theirs. Adding Rutgers bigman Clifford Omoyuri means if/when undersized PG Mark Sears returns, Alabama will likely be preseason top 3 next season.
Weekend losers
The Braves, in general, and Matt Olson, for sure. Yikes, a free for the crew, and it’s time to cut bait with Bryce Elder. A 90 mph fastball — tops — works well in Region 6-AAA locally. Against the Dodgers and playoff-worthy hitters, yeah not so much.
Speaking of the Braves first baseman, not since Mary Kate and Ashley were reaching their angst-ridden teenage years have we had more head-scratching heartache caused by an Olson, who was 1-for-10 over the weekend against the Dodgers as Freddie was raking against his former club. Olson is at a robust .197 with 23 hits and 35 Ks in 117 ABs. You do the math.
The NBA playoffs. Truly, name something that is must-watch left in the field unless you bleed Boston Green?
Roast beef?
So Tom Brady got roasted, and Jeffrey Ross — the modern-day Don Rickles for those unaware — led the proceedings.
First, the entire event was way too long. And it was so cuss-heavy that Andrew “Dice” Clay had to look away.
The only real uneasy moment was when Brady curtly told Ross to end his references to Robert Kraft’s past happy endings at various message establishments. That was clear and real.
But the rest highlighted several things:
— There was no mercy for the Aaron Hernandez situation.
— Bill Belichick is kind of funny.
— Gronk is Gronk and even spiked a shot glass, because of course.
— The Brady-Manning rivalry will forever rank there with Bird and Magic as the best of my lifetime. Some of the great Manning-Brady exchanges included things like
Peyton: “It is great to be here with a bunch of people, sitting around talking smack about Tom Brady. Or as we call that in the Manning family, Thanksgiving. True story, after spending several Thanksgivings with my parents, my kids now excuse themselves to use the bathroom by saying, I have to go take a Brady.”
Peyton again: “The last time Tom Brady had to wait this long to get on stage, it was the 2000 NFL Draft.”
Brady, as always in his rivalry with Peyton had the final say:
“Peyton, sometimes you live in Denver, sometimes you live in Louisiana, but you’ll always live in my shadow.”
“When I saw that there was a white Bronco coming down the 405 tonight to this event, I thought we were going to see a real NFL legend.”
Yikes.
Brady was far from done, though with his one-liners and either he is far funnier than we know or he paid Eddie Murphy to sit down and come up with zingers.
“I’m trying to buy the Raiders. I’m tired of owning the Colts and Bills,” he said.
“Kansas City, you say your stadium is the loudest. It helps when your fans are 14-year-old girls. In order of Tay Tay … let’s take a look at the Chiefs’ eras: terrible for 50 years, good for five. Shake it off.”
And then on the NFL spending well into eight figures on the DeflateGate investigation, “If they had given me the $21 million, I would have just told them I (expletive) did it.”
This and that
— Zakai Zeigler is set as the speaker for the Best of Preps banquet later this summer.
— UTC won the SoCon regular season crown. Congrats. Frank Reed has been good at his job for a long time.
— For all the roller coaster rides of last week, we finished minus-0.8 units total. Go figure.
Today’s questions
Weekend winners and losers.
Go.
As for multiple choice Monday, let’s do this:
Greatest individual rivalry among team sports athletes?
— Bird-Magic
— Peyton-Brady
— Jordan-everyone
— Wilt-Russell
— Other and specify
As for today, May 6, let’s review.
The “Friends” finale was on this day 20 years ago.
George Clooney is 63 today.
What is Clooney’s Rushmore of movies?