Weekend winners
› Lee Corso. Look, we knew it was coming, and I still felt nostalgic about it and watched almost all of Corso’s final appearance. And to continue the narrative Vader started last week, this should have happened at pre-COVID. The only cringy parts of Corso’s final GameDay was when Corso was speaking. Still, it was a fitting tribute from a show filled with guys who have seven-figure gigs because of the foundation Corso laid over the years before them.
› Sports fans. I forgot how much I missed college football. That was awesome.
› Tennessee Vols football fans. Know this: We will break down every SEC football team below with a new Monday tradition of SEC power rankings. Deal? Well, beyond that, it’s impossible not to feel like UT fans truly won the weekend. Great Week 1 win. New QB1 was beyond expectations — as well as former QB1 got smoked with UCLA — the new UT radio voice was tremendous, and it was a clear reminder that Josh Heupel could very well be the second-best coach in this SEC.
› FSU fans. Look, beating Bama is always a deal. Heck, the last 11 home teams to topple Alabama have stormed the field. (The last was LSU way back in 2010.) But know this: The Alabama choke job at FSU on Saturday was every bit as much about the Seminoles as it was the Tide’s shortcomings. Also know this: Gus Malzahn calling plays for QB1 Tommy Castellanos looked like old-school AU in 2013, when Malzahn and Nick Marshall had the Tigers 30-plus-second from a natty.
Weekend losers
› Dallas Cowboys football. Man, the blowback for the Cowboys is everywhere. It’s not exactly fair, mind you, but it’s easy. Were the Cowboys a Super Bowl contender with Micah Parsons? Nope. Are they without him? Assuredly nope. But doing the same thing over and over again — and committing 40% of your salary cap to two players — seems like insanity to me.
› Atlanta baseball. Thank goodness, 90-plus-% of the passionate Braves fans I know have a college football team that is their first- or second-favorite team. But the Braves stink on ice.
› Nico Iamaleava. All the drama over the offseason was way, Way, WAY more about Iamaleava’s camp than the QB1 himself. But part of the reason he said he transferred was to be with better players. Yeah, Nic’s new team got thrashed 43-10; Nico’s old team smoked Syracuse.
› Kevin O’Sullivan. The Florida baseball coach was rightly suspended for his childish rant during the NCAA postseason. Good.
› Penn State bettors. The outcome was decided, but Penn State was a 42.5-point favorite and led 46-3 with Nevada looking to run out the clock. But Nevada called TO and a defensive PI gave them first and goal with less than 30 seconds left. Nevada scored for the backdoor cover. To make it worse, the total was 56.5, so a simple PAT stays under. Nevada converted the 2-point play for a 46-11 loss that covered for the underdogs and eclipsed the over. Ouch-standing.
› The catch rule when players get a foot down in the end zone. LSU and South Carolina lost TD receptions because, despite having the ball in position in the end zone, did not “complete the catch.” Why is this different from a runner breaking the plane, because if a ball carrier crossed the goalies by an inch but gets drilled and fumbles, it’s still a TD?
SEC power rankings
There are a slew of ways to do this, but after spending the last three months projecting who we thought these teams “should” be, let’s look at what we saw.
Yes, talent still matters, and yes, not all opponents are created equal. And yes, Texas and even Alabama would be favored over 75% of the rest of the SEC if they played on a neutral site next Saturday.
But here we are, and here’s what we have after getting to see what these teams were in 8.5% of their regular seasons.
1 LSU. Monster win that checked three huge preseason questions: Can Brian Kelly win a Red Stick opener, is the offensive line ready for prime time, is the defense going to be better? Check, check and double check.
2 Auburn. The Tigers delivered in a must-have game against a quality foe on the road. LSU’s win was No. 1 over the weekend; the AU Tigers’ was No. 1B.
3 Georgia. The Bulldogs thumped Marshall, even if Kirby dropped to 0-14 against the spread when favored by 38.5 or more points.
4 Tennessee. Joey Aguilar, accept these flowers, sir. And man, Josh Heupel’s offense is the truth.
5 South Carolina. The Gamecocks looked the part on its first drive, but I’m willing to bet Shane Beamer still has more questions than answers this morning. Virginia Tech may finish bottom half in the ACC and fire its coach before Halloween. South Carolina coach Shane Beamer now gets the chance to log a a double-digit Week 1 win with the chance to point out ways to get much better for next week.
6 Ole Miss. First team in SEC history to score 60-plus points in three straight season openers.
7 Texas A&M. The Aggies looked great, and UTSA is better than its acronym suggests. Jury still has some questions for Marcel Reed, however.
8 through 11. Florida, Arkansas, Oklahoma and Missouri. Good — or potentially good — football teams that got great QB play and manhandled inferior foes. As it should be. Pass the cornbread.
12 Texas. The defense was elite. The WRs were average (at best) and the offensive line was less than good. As for Arch Manning? Well, yikes.
13 Mississippi State. Winning at Southern Miss will look better in two months than it does this morning, but still.
14 Kentucky started slow and finished with enough drama to make even Jamal Mashburn nervous.
15 Vandy. The ‘Dores crushed Charleston Southern. Baylor School would crush Charleston Southern.
16 Alabama. Too low? Maybe. But the Tide’s vaunted roster got shoved around by a team that was 2-10 last year and completely cleaned the decks. It looked lost at times and was offensively constipated when Ryan Williams left the game with a concussion. Wasn’t the reunion with OC Ben Grubb supposed to be the solution? Kalen DeBoer has lost four times in 14 games with the Tide; Nick Saban lost four games to unranked teams in his last 16 years at Alabama.
Thoughts?
This and that
› So we have a growing crowd for this Thursday’s 5-at-10 reader appreciation event at the Lookouts game. Hope to see as many of you possible there. Here’s the sign-up link.
› So Ernie Els wants Tiger Woods to play on their Seniors Tour. I know it’s called The Champions Tour. It’s the Seniors Tour. Enough. I agree with Ernie — until Tiger gets healthy and returns to a certain level of comfort on the regular Tour — if he does. Don’t be Corso, Tiger.
› Who knew that “Lightyear” lesbians are a thing, and it may cost Snoop Dogg some publicity cred. I mean, Snoop has collaborated with Dr. Dre and Martha Stewart. That’s range, fiends.
› Euro Ryder Cup captain Luke Donald will make his at-large picks today.
› UTC played football. UTC lost handily against Memphis.
› If you only read one thing from the TFP weekend editions, well, make it this terrific Mark Kennedy column about life, love and death.
Today’s questions
Who won the weekend and who lost it — other than Kalen DeBoer, of course?
As for Multiple Choice Monday, which SEC fan base is the most confused this morning?
› Alabama
› Texas
› South Carolina
› Other
As for today, Sept. 1, let’s review:
Nine years ago, Colin Kaepernick kneeled before an NFL preseason game for the first time in protest.
Dr. Phil is 75 today.
Rushmore of TV bald guys. Go.