DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to a narcissist for 28 years. He has gaslighted me for our entire 30 years together. He has had a “work wife” and a flirtation with the next-door neighbor hottie, and he paid for two sexy girls’ dinners (and pies to go) because they happened to be in line in front of us.
After an argument, he even called the police on me. (An entire shift of sheriff officers surrounded our house.) I have developed severely negative emotions toward him, especially when he lies to me. We haven’t had sex in a year. We get along fairly well in day-to-day activities, although it bothers me that I have to be chauffeured everywhere I go, including him waiting while I have my hair and nails done.
I’m 67 and feel it is too late to start over. My psychologist can’t understand why I don’t leave. We aren’t destitute, but we’re not wealthy either. I don’t know which way to turn. — HATING HIM IN MICHIGAN
DEAR HATING HIM: I find it interesting that as threatened as you feel about your husband’s work relationship with his assistant, his flirtation with the hottie next door and two strangers he tried to impress by paying for their takeout dinners (pies included!), HE is so insecure that he must drive you everywhere you go outside the house.
While you think it may be too late for you to start over, you need to clearly define what starting over means to you. I can think of worse fates than freedom from an insecure, possessive, lying narcissist. You are under the care of a licensed psychotherapist. The logical “way to turn” would be in the direction your therapist is trying to guide you.