You can tell Christmas is near: crime scenes Chicago to New York are now roped off with festive green and red tape. Here is my annual, hopeful look back:
1. That everyone stays safe this Christmas, both from crime and from dinner table conversations with family. My Druncle Mac used to drink stuff that not only hit the spot but would also remove spots. I do miss my Druncle Mac and his boozy political rantings. I learned to approach a gun and an uncle the same way: just assume they are loaded.
2. I wish Rob Reiner’s family well. He was one of the greats with Spinal Tap et al. Comedy has been killed by the left; neither he nor Mel Brooks could make the movies they made in the PC world of the last ten years. It is important to have smart satire to help us understand the world. His obit should have said, “Rob Reiner was preceded in death by his father Carl Reiner and by Americans’ ability to laugh at ourselves.”
3. Trump has ended all but one of the major wars that went on during previous administrations. Dems seem to now love war. Our country used to manufacture military arms to fight wars. Now we manufacture wars to sell military arms.
4. Trump’s blowing up drug boats has Democrats unwound. Libs in LA are appalled at the rise in the cost of cocaine. Confused celebs and Hunter Biden are lining up at Verizon stores where they think they can buy two lines for $45 a month.
5. Two million illegals have self-deported. In sanctuary cities like San Francisco, it is hard for the legal system to keep up. Two showed up for their deportation hearing there, and the judge married them.
6. Joe Biden is having trouble funding his Presidential Library. It’s designed to be a three-story building at the University of Delaware and, in Joe’s honor, the elevator there does not go all the way to the top.
7. Zohran Mamdani smiled his way to winning the mayoral race in NYC with votes of the youngsters. They will learn as they get older that idolizing a politician is like believing your stripper really loves you. Trump got along with Mayor of NYC Zohran Mamdani when they met, surprising most. Folks thought it was going to be Shootout at the OK Corral, but it ended up being Brokeback Mountain.
8. Jasmine Crockett and AOC continue to make fools of themselves. But they are doing half the women in America a favor by single-handedly putting an end to dumb blonde jokes.
9. When they did not get into the top 12 for the College Football Playoffs, petulant Notre Dame refused to play a bowl game. They should change the Notre Dame fight song to “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.”
10. Crime has been down in most places since 2020. During my last year in Atlanta, I slept in a hoodie and COVID mask. That way, when my home was invaded, I could pop out of bed and the invaders would think I was a part of the crew.
11. Dick Cheney died. I did not watch the funeral for fear the 21-gun salute would be fired into someone’s face.
12. The “Affordable Care Act” reared its ugly head this year, needing even more funding. The way insurance works is that they bet you stay well and you bet them you get real sick. Then you pay them tons of money hoping they win. The ACA assured meth heads when Obama oversold it in 2010, “If you like your teeth, you can keep your teeth.”
13. Somalis took a big profile in Minnesota, pirating the high seas and grifting billions off the U.S. government. They are so corrupt that the Nigerian prince on all those emails moved to Minneapolis for cover.
14. Inflation is mostly under control, down to 3% from the 9% we had under Biden. Steak prices are up due to record low cattle inventory. I always see more people going into my Costco than coming out, but their meat is so inexpensive, I don’t ask questions.
Contact Ron Hart, a syndicated op-ed satirist, author and TV/radio commentator, at Ron@RonaldHart.com or X @RonaldHart.