DEAR ABBY: For nearly 30 years, my husband and I shared a close, trusting marriage. Months ago, I caught him lying about meetings he was having with a 35-year-old colleague. Then I discovered months of ongoing texts. When I asked for an explanation, he became angry and defensive. His explanation was it was work-related, that I was too controlling and that I was making a big deal out of nothing.
Because I believed this was not a trivial situation, I pressed for some resolution. Unfortunately, further discussions were heated with no resolve, just more withdrawn behavior while the communications continued.
Recently, he informed me that he realizes his behavior was unacceptable and he has ceased the communication. He said he loves only me, and he wants me to trust him again. My problem is, after all his secrecy, lies and defensiveness, I can’t do that. He now carries on like nothing has happened, hoping to regain my trust. But for me, the trust has been broken.
After many years of what I thought was a loving marriage, I was blindsided. I have always valued your advice, so please help me to put things in perspective. — BLINDSIDED IN MICHIGAN
DEAR BLINDSIDED: For nearly 30 years, you had what you thought was a solid relationship with your husband. It is now apparent that he screwed up royally. My question to you is: What do YOU want from now on? It IS possible to rebuild trust after infidelity, but it will take work from both of you.