Partnered men may not plan their every excursion, but most are willing — if sometimes reluctant — participants in whatever their wives or girlfriends put on the agenda. But some outings can be theirs alone. Whether they’re pursuing a special interest or seeking the good counsel of other men, some activities may primarily or exclusively attract men. These are a few examples of man-based pastimes around Chattanooga.
Casual Conversation
For the men of Hixson First Baptist Church, meeting for breakfast each Friday is a treasured tradition. Over sausage biscuits and coffee, they catch up on each other’s latest news. and then move on to “solve the world’s problems,” member Hugh Orr says to laughter from his compatriots at a recent gathering at the Soddy-Daisy Bojangles.
“We start texting on Thursday night to decide where we’re gonna go,” says Ron Fuqua, who founded the group about a decade ago to further the church’s outreach to men beyond Sunday mornings.
Nicknamed the Men Hens by their wives, the group has about 10 regulars. Most are retirees, but the group gets an early start to accommodate a couple of men who still work. Two regulars who’ve moved out of state also remain part of the group text. Occasionally, the Chattanooga members will remind the outliers that if they leave home when the texts start coming Thursday night, they’ll have time to drive in from West Virginia by morning.
In their weekly rounds to different fast-food restaurants, they encounter numerous similar groups of men, many from area churches. Some meet for an early-morning Bible study, while other groups, like theirs, are more casual. The discipleship is no less real.
Amid the jokes and laughter, the conversation can get “very real and intense,” says Duane Morris. “We know we can count on each other because we’ve gone through joys and heartaches together.”
To connect with the Hixson First Baptist men’s breakfast group, email info@hixsonfirstbaptist.org.
Intentional Dialogue
If church groups function as fishers of men, Men Who Chatt takes a deeper dive. Part of the international organization The ManKind Project, Men Who Chatt is a weekly gathering for men to “talk about the dark and scary stuff we’ve been raised not to talk about,” says Brandon Clift, who leads the local group.
“Men are raised that they are lesser-than if they admit their problems,” he says. “So many men live in this weird space where they are struggling and alone and isolated. They have a deep desire to connect with others, but they think, ‘What would my dad say?’ or ‘What would my friends say?’ if I opened up and said I was scared. Oftentimes, they’re coming at a breaking point or a low point in their lives. We let them know the importance of talking about the tough stuff.”
Clift says he assures first-timers they don’t have to open up right away to be helped by the peer group. “I tell them they don’t have to say anything. They can just come and watch,” he says. Odds are, someone else will be “in lockstep with their experience.”
“We stand on skinny branches together,” he adds. “There’s always someone willing to go first. I’m proud we can offer a space where you can tell me the worst, and you’re still welcome. I promise there has been something similar or adjacent or bigger than what you’re telling us.”
Clift says the meetings, which can vary in participation from five to 20, are held Tuesday nights at the Lupton Building. Participants must fill out an online waiver to check in on their mental health, as the group is meant as an enhancement, not a replacement, for professional counseling when needed.
Clift, who has been involved for 10 years, says the meetings give him a road map for what it means to be a man in the 21st century.
“I consider this a cheat code for my life, my marriage, my professional endeavors,” he says. “It gives me a solid foundation for who I am and how I show up as a husband and father.”
Learn more about Men Who Chatt at brandonclift.com/menwhochatt.
Special-Interest Hobbies
Not all hobbies are just for men, but a few come close. Nationally, statistics show that comic book stores and cigar lounges attract a much higher percentage of male customers.
Henry Flood, owner of the Epikos Comics, Cards & Games stores in Brainerd and Hixson, says his customer base for comic books is “about 85% male to female.” The ratios are more equal for cards and gaming, he says, but comic books are “pretty much a male-driven audience.”
Though often stereotyped as nerds, comic book readers are “everyday people” from all walks of life. “We talk about football games as much as comic books,” Flood says.
Likewise, the cigar smokers at the Chattanooga Billiard Club Downtown are predominantly male, says bar manager Kayla Keiss. Plenty of women like a good cigar, she says, but the customer base skews about 70% male in the downstairs cigar lounge. (Chattanooga Billiard Club East also has a cigar lounge.)
“Most men come to sit here and smoke a cigar, have a bourbon, watch TV and chitchat with other people around,” Keiss says.
Learn more about Epikos Comics, Cards & Games at epikosccg.com. Learn more about the Chattanooga Billiard Club at cbceast.com.