Leading a nonprofit means I spend a lot of time thinking about people, how to help them, how to serve them, how to strengthen what’s fragile. But here’s the funny part: When my own life gets loud, I sometimes treat people like a distraction.
When I’m overwhelmingly busy with a long to-do list, I tend to shut people out. It’s not because I don’t like people. I just want to focus on getting my tasks completed, and it can feel like relationships and connecting with others get in the way. In those “get it done” seasons, my husband gently reminds me of a simple truth: He may not be able to do the tasks on my list, but he can offer a listening ear while I process thoughts, emotions or ideas. He offers a simple hand to hold, so I don’t have to create loneliness for the sake of focus.
That idea (don’t create loneliness on purpose) fits perfectly with what neuroscientist Ben Rein explores in his book “Why Brains Need Friends.” His central message is straightforward: Connection isn’t a luxury for people with extra time. It’s a core need for healthy brain function.
We’ve had strong research on this for years. A large meta-analysis published in PLOS Medicine found that social relationships are linked with a meaningful difference in mortality risk, on the level of other big health factors we talk about all the time. Translation: Relationships don’t just make life nicer; they help keep us alive.
The U.S. Surgeon General has also warned that loneliness and social isolation are widespread and carry real health consequences, mental, physical and community-wide. It’s not just “in your head.” It shows up in your body and your daily functioning.