DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for eight years. For the most part, we are happy, but there is one thing that upsets me. He doesn’t like to have people over for social events. In fact, I can’t get him to participate in any social outing without him moaning and complaining the entire time.
I enjoy getting together with friends and having people over and so do our children. I love hosting birthday parties, barbecues and such, and I would love to have couples over for drinks or even a game night. It’s a constant struggle because my husband won’t meet me halfway. I feel like I’m trapped in my own home and can’t go anywhere. If I do go, he rarely accompanies me and our kids to social gatherings, and I am left to explain why he isn’t with us. I hate being put in this position. How can I make him meet me halfway? — HELD BACK
DEAR HELD BACK: Short of ordering your husband to socialize at gunpoint, there’s nothing you can do. (Please do not point a gun at your husband.) By now, you should have realized that you can’t change him. You can, however, change how you react to his behavior.
Unless he had a complete personality change after the wedding, this is the person you married. Because this is who he is, it’s up to you to be less embarrassed and more up-front about explaining his absence when you and your children socialize without him. (“You know, ‘Harry’ just isn’t comfortable socializing. It’s not in his nature.”)
Unless he forbids you to host a game night once in a while, go ahead and plan one. If he’s as antisocial as you say he is, he won’t be missed.