Lisa Denton and Barry Courter
LISA DENTON: Barry, I was going to write you a “Roses are red, violets are blue” poem for Valentine’s Day, but then I remembered a joke, and I like it better.
Did you hear about the ship carrying red paint that collided with a ship carrying blue paint?
Both crews were marooned.
Ha ha ha ha. Plop.
(That’s me laughing my head off.)
BARRY COURTER: Uggghhhhhhh. (That’s me groaning at a pun, as I’m wont to do.) Anyway, maybe because Valentine’s Day is so close, I’ve been listening to a lot of country love songs, but I keep landing on the ones that aren’t so loving, shall we say. Lots of Conway Twitty, for example: “She’s already stood for more than I was ever good for” from “This Time I’ve Hurt Her More Than She Loves Me.”
I heard a new one the other day on Outlaw Country satellite radio. It’s hosted by local boy Roger Alan Wade and his cousin Johnny Knoxville, by the way. They played a song called “I’m at Home Hammered While She’s Out Getting Nailed.” That’s just funny.
LISA: You can tell right away that’s a country song.
As for Conway, he was pretty risqué back in the day, too. Not only did his songs deal with taboo topics, but when he’d put that yearning catch in his voice and do a slow build to the climax, songs like “You’ve Never Been This Far Before” could make your clothes fall off. Who knew there was so much seduction in “bom, bom, bom.”
BARRY: Another great Conway lyric. Goes right to the heart of things.
LISA: It makes me wonder why the quartets from the Choo Choo Chorus don’t have any Conway songs in their repertoire for their Singing Valentines.
BARRY: There are quite a few Valentine’s Day events this week, and having the chorus sing to your sweetie is just one of them. “Chicago” is at the Tivoli as the second in the theater’s Broadway series. Nothing says “I love you” like a musical about murder, adultery and women in prison. It stars Heisman trophy winner and former NFL star Eddie George.
LISA: Heck, even Krystal is getting into the action with a Surf & Turf special for $9.99. The news release to promote it said, “Whether you’ve been married 50 years or known each other 50 minutes, we want to be part of your holiday.”
A 50-minute Valentine? Bom, bom, bom.
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Contact Lisa Denton at ldenton@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6281. Contact Barry Courter at bcourter@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6354.