I do not know why my daughter has tin foil in her hair. She seems incredibly pleased by it, as does my older daughter who, apparently, was the installer of said tin foil.
The football game is on, but this tin foil seems incredibly important to the little women in my life, so I must pay attention, even though they are blocking the screen.
Eventually, my “official daughter translator” to whom I am married, explained the tin foil to me. Apparently they wrap their hair around their fingers, put tin foil on it, and use a straight iron to make the hair curl.
Yes, that seems to be the case; they have just paraded back in and shown me the finished product. Female smiles all around. I am smiling as well, the fashion show concluded in time for me to see the Newton to Cotchery touchdown pass.
Actually, I was smiling during the hair show as well. I do not understand it, but if it makes the little women in my life happy, it makes me happy. This is up to and including such things as shoe shopping, crocheting, hair curling, toenail painting, perfume spraying and glitter sprinkling.
Daddies and daughters have a unique bond born not of comprehension, but of fierce love. My daughters each stole my heart very early on in their lives. It is my job to protect them, provide for them and, in the words of the late great preacher E.V. Hill: “Give them to something that has some potential.”
For legal reasons, I will not make any direct claims of violence against any who would harm them, but I will say that I have many acres of land, access to an excavator and the ability to dig and refill a very, very deep hole.
I know that, at some point, boys will be coming around to try and win their hearts. And I also know that at some point I will have to allow it. And so, as a Christian father, I am developing a list of qualifications (beyond salvation, that one is a given) that must be met for anyone with romantic intentions to be allowed in the same ZIP code as my daughters.
‘ One: Your mother (and, if you have them, sisters, grandmother, aunts, nieces, female cousins, and any pets who are female) must feel like a princess in your presence. If they do not, and you come near my daughters, your story will not end with: “And he lived happily ever after.”
‘ Two: You must have such a good work ethic that employers are begging you to work for them. Good employers.
‘ Three: You must have better church attendance than Billy Graham. If you have ever missed, I expect a note from your doctor, your mother and the police chief in your town.
‘ Four: You must present yourself respectably. If I ever see your underwear showing, a vulgar T-shirt or skinny jeans on you, the answer is, “No, just no.”
‘ Five: When I see you look at my daughter, the look on your face better make me hear “Amazing Grace” in my head. If I ever hear “Take My Breath Away,” I will take your breath away.
‘ Rules six through 10: Until you say “I do,” don’t. At all. Anything.
This does not exhaust my list of rules or expectations, but it is a good start.
Bo Wagner is pastor of the Cornerstone Baptist Church of Mooresboro, N.C., and the author of several books that are available at wordofhismouth.com. Contact him at 2knowhim@cbc-web.org.