Late Night Laughs
Keeping Up With the Candidates› Donald Trump just promised that he will no longer use foul language on the campaign trail. So now when people ask him his policy on ISIS, he just says “I’m going to bomb the shy-diddly-doodles out of them.” — Jimmy Fallon› The Ted Cruz campaign has pulled a new ad after it was revealed that the actress in it has appeared in soft-core porn; and now Jeb has hired her to teach him how to act like he’s enjoying something. — Seth Meyers› Apparently some prostitutes at a Nevada brothel have launched a campaign for Hillary Clinton called “Hookers for Hillary.” Yeah, they want to donate money to the Clintons — or as they call it, “Giving back.” — Jimmy Fallon› Marco Rubio is being criticized for opening his new campaign ad with the slogan “It’s morning again in America,” but showing stock footage images of Vancouver, Canada. — Seth Meyers› According to the latest national poll, Hillary Clinton’s lead over Bernie Sanders has narrowed to ten points. Also narrowed, Hillary Clinton’s eyes. — Seth Meyers› Hillary Clinton had a coughing fit during a speech and the crowd actually chanted her name as she opened a cough drop. She got applause for choking — or as Jeb put it, “Must be nice.” — Jimmy Fallon› After his big win in New Hampshire, they say Hillary’s team is trying to dig up dirt on Bernie Sanders. You know what you call someone who digs up dirt on Bernie Sanders? An archaeologist. — Jimmy Fallon› President Obama was spotted at a steak restaurant in D.C. This week with Morgan Freeman and Tom Hanks. They didn’t even order anything. They just closed their eyes and listened to Morgan Freeman read the appetizers. — Jimmy FallonSource: www.newsmax.com
Lisa DentonWho’s the boss
The boss of a small company worried that his staff didn’t respect him enough.
Trying to change the attitude in the office, he came in the next day with a sign for his door that said: “I am the boss.”
The next day, one of the employees had posted a sticky note that read: “Your wife wants her sign back.”