As I progress through my 20s and transition into different stages of life, I have found myself taking several things for granted. Most of these are simple and silly.
For example, last year when I moved to a new apartment and relied on Netflix/Hulu instead of cable, I found myself missing aspects of cable TV, such as the ability to just leave it on as background noise while doing things such as washing dishes or doing laundry. Now, I have to choose what show to watch. Even though this seems like a very petty change, it did change my TV habits.
There are other more serious sides of life that I previously took for granted. These come with becoming more independent, such as managing money and paying bills for everything, like electricity and water, but there are also some emotional securities that change with age.
From the time I was a young child, I have craved a sense of harmony among the people in my life. I wanted people to be happy and to have good times. I could not stand tension at events or during activities, and I would do my best to correct conflicts.
Many times growing up, I found myself a mediator between friends and always the one who was quick to apologize. While some people thrive on conflict and yearn for drama, I do my utmost to stay far away from it. This need for harmony rarely came from selfless virtue on my part but more from an intolerance for any sort of anxiety or tension.
This need for peace has its consequences, as I have always been one who is eager to please. In school I would agonize over a bad grade, not necessarily because of the consequences I would face, but because I had disappointed someone, either my teacher or my parents.
This eagerness to please also lent itself to a need for appreciation. It has always been important to me to know where I stood. As I have grown older, of course, the desire for appreciation is not just a need for harmony but also what I see as a reward for any sort of good work or accomplishment.
When I was younger, I took the concept of appreciation for granted. A good grade on a test or project was rewarded, kind acts were rewarded, athletic accomplishments were rewarded. I am beginning to see my steadfast notion of school life mimicking actual life diminish some as I age. The rules, routines, activities and consequences of school were an ideal that the real world many times does not meet.
Along with the realization that hard work and effort do not always equal success, I am beginning to see that perhaps my definition of success lies too much in what someone else thinks. I envy those who can truly release themselves from the opinions of others and find ultimate happiness in their self-worth.
As this year has passed, I have realized that I have spent much of my life meeting the expectations of what I thought others felt were important. While I agreed on the importance, perhaps the influence of others should not have had as much of a role. There seems to be a reason for the things in life we take for granted. When they are gone, it allows us to grow.
Email Corin Harpe at corinharpe@gmail.com.