Late Night Laughs
Keeping Up With the Candidates* In a new interview, Donald Trump’s wife, Melania, said that she speaks English, Italian, French and German. Which is good ‘cause if she ever becomes first lady she’ll need to apologize for her husband in at least those four languages. — Jimmy Fallon* U.S. astronaut Scott Kelly is about to return to Earth after spending an entire year in space. Then he saw Donald Trump’s poll numbers and said, “You know, I’m good up here.” — Conan O’Brien* President Obama posted on LinkedIn today about his first job scooping ice cream. He’s the first president to post on LinkedIn — other than, of course, Abraham LinkedIn. — Seth Meyers* President Obama said that his very first job was scooping ice cream. After hearing this, Chris Christie said, “I thought he looked familiar.” — Conan O’Brien* Donald Trump has a powerful new enemy and his name is Mitt Romney. You remember Mitt Romney, the JCPenney mannequin who came to life and ran for president four years ago? He’s back. — Jimmy Kimmel* Romney said there will be a bombshell in Donald Trump’s tax returns once they are released, and added that he’s either not as rich as he says he is or he didn’t give money to the veterans or disabled people like he’s been saying he does. How is that a bombshell? Of course he’s not as rich as he says he is. He’s not as anything as he says he is. — Jimmy Kimmel* Last night was the Republican caucus in Nevada, and Donald Trump scored a big victory, bringing him one step closer to the Republican nomination. A Trump presidency is getting so real, Mexico is starting to think a wall is a pretty great idea. — Jimmy Fallon* NASA said this week it has received a record high number of 18,000 applications for their astronaut training program. NASA said it shows a growing interest in space exploration. Then people said, “Nah, we just wanna get off the planet before this election.” — Jimmy Fallon* Wealthy GOP donors are now lining up behind Marco Rubio. Not because the donors think he can stop Trump, but because they think Rubio is the valet. — Conan O’Brien* Following his win at last night’s Nevada caucus, Donald Trump told supporters that he won in almost every voter demographic, and said … “I love the poorly educated.” To which they replied, “Us love you more, Mr. Trunks!” — Seth Meyers* President Obama has unveiled his plan to finally shut down Guantanamo Bay. And to make sure no one ever goes in there again, Obama is handing it over to the people who run RadioShack. — Conan O’Brien* In a recent interview, Ben Carson said President Obama couldn’t identify with black Americans because he was “raised white.” So if you’re keeping score, according to Republicans, President Obama was raised white as a Muslim in Kenya. — Conan O’Brien* Ted Cruz said on “The O’Reilly Factor” that if he is elected, he would not allow aliens to return. Cruz says he is so strict on immigration, if he is elected president, he will even deport himself back to Canada. — Jimmy Kimmel* We’re now a week away from the Super Tuesday primaries and Ben Carson’s so excited he barely got 14 hours of sleep last night. — Seth Meyers* Hillary Clinton recently visited the set of the hit ABC show “Scandal.” Is that really the show you should be visiting right now? Why not drop by the set of “I Did Nothing Wrong,” or maybe “There Was Nothing Illegal in Those Emails!” — Seth MeyersSource: www.newsmax.com
Feeling inferior
Harry was thrilled. After seeing a psychologist for over three years, he was finally pronounced free to go.
“Wow this is so exciting,” Harry gushed. “You mean I am finally cured? You mean I no longer have an inferiority complex?”
“Well, not exactly,” the psychologist said. “To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t think you ever had an inferiority complex. After much thought, I have come to the conclusion that you really are inferior.”