Award show rewind
As Ricky Gervais prepares for his fourth time hosting the Golden Globes, the Australian news website news.com.au has compiled a list of his “10 best jokes so far.” The British comedian and actor, who previously hosted in 2010, 2011 and 2012, returns to the stage on Sunday for the 73rd annual awards show in Los Angeles.* “Looking at all the wonderful faces here today reminds me of the great work that’s been done this year … by cosmetic surgeons.”* “For any of you who don’t know, the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without all that esteem. The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker and more easily bought. Allegedly. Nothing’s been proved.”* “Actors aren’t just loved here in Hollywood, they are loved the world over. You could be in the Third World and get a glimpse of a Hollywood star and it could make you feel a little bit better. You could be a little Asian child with no possessions and no money. But you could see a picture of Angelina Jolie and you’d think, ‘Mummy!’”* “I hope I haven’t offended anyone. It’s not my fault. I like a drink as much as the next man. Unless the next man is Mel Gibson.”* About the movie “I Love You Phillip Morris”: “Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor, two heterosexual actors pretending to be gay. So the complete opposite of some famous Scientologists, then. My lawyers helped with that joke.”* About “Bridesmaids” star Melissa McCarthy: “She made her mark in comedy this summer by defecating into a sink. Amazingly, that’s still less demeaning than what most of you have done to make it in show business.”* About Tom Hanks and Tim Allen: “What can I say about our next two presenters? The first is an actor, producer, writer and director whose movies have grossed over $3.5 billion at the box office. He’s won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes for his powerful and varied performances starring in such films as ‘Philadelphia,’ ‘Forrest Gump,’ ‘Cast Away,’ ‘Apollo 13’ and ‘Saving Private Ryan.’ The other is Tim Allen.”* “It’s going to be a night of partying and heavy drinking, or as Charlie Sheen calls it: Breakfast.”* “There were a lot of big films that didn’t get nominated. Nothing for ‘Sex and the City 2.’ I was sure the Golden Globes for special effects would go to the team that airbrushed that poster.”* “Last year, our next presenter won both the Golden Globe and the Oscar for her work in ‘Black Swan.’ This year, she took some time out to have a baby. Consequently, she’s been nominated for nothing. Really pathetic. But she learned that valuable lesson you all already knew — never put family first. Please welcome the very foolish Natalie Portman.”Source: news.com.au
Make and model
Jim Hoffer says:
Several years ago, my elderly aunt offered us her antique rag rug loom, a large and heavy item. She was downsizing. We were living in Michigan, she in Ohio. At that time, we had two vehicles, a Plymouth Horizon and Plymouth Voyager with a roof rack. Naturally, we took the Voyager.
After arriving in Ohio and loading the loom on top and inside the wagon, I quipped: “It’s a good thing we brought the Voyager, because that loom’s large on the Horizon.”