Author Jeanne Phillips, the daughter of the original advice columnist Dear Abby, poses for a photo in Los Angeles, Friday, Oct. 5, 2007.DEAR ABBY: My wife, “Connie,” and I have been together 30 years and have a wonderful marriage. She’s a schoolteacher, and I travel on business often. The time away from each other gives us a chance to enjoy some “me” time.
Connie is a nice person and makes friends easily, which I admire. However, over the last five years she has become very close with a divorced woman who teaches at her school. They text each other nonstop, and when I travel, they always get together for a movie or dinner. I used to be invited to anything they did. Now, if I suggest we all go out, Connie says her friend has other plans or is sick. I’m not really concerned about a physical relationship between them, but I feel their friendship is like an “emotional affair.” I used to be my wife’s best friend, but I feel I have been replaced. She tries to reassure me I’m still No. 1, but it’s obvious she gets something from this relationship that she doesn’t get from me. Do you think friendships between women can evolve into emotional affairs? — SHUT OUT IN TEXAS
DEAR SHUT OUT: Women communicate with other women on a different level than they do with men. You and your wife and her woman friend may have felt like the Three Musketeers years ago when the three of you would all get together — but it’s possible that after a while her friend began to feel like a third wheel.
Who can say why she doesn’t want to socialize with you. Perhaps you don’t have enough in common, or perhaps she has sensed that you are jealous of her friendship with your wife. But I wouldn’t call close friendships among women “emotional affairs” because I don’t think it’s true.
Since this bothers you enough to write to me, and Connie seems to be communicating in secret, please discuss this in depth with her.