Punchlines

Late Night Laughs

Current Events› NBC is launching an all-Olympic channel next year. It will feature the Summer Games, the Winter Games and two years of commercials in between. — Jimmy Fallon› The biggest dog in the world lives in the U.K. and on its hind legs stands at 7 feet, 6 inches tall. When asked if he likes being taken for a walk, his owner said, “I love it.” — Jimmy Fallon› It’s rumored that the iPhone 8 will have a curved screen made by Samsung. The screen wasn’t meant to be curved; that’s just the shape it melted into when it caught fire. — Conan O’Brien› Health officials say there’s a new trend of women using marijuana during their pregnancy. Which explains why this year’s most popular baby name is Funyuns. — Conan O’Brien› [Marijuana use] has given rise to another new trend — babies choosing to just stay in the womb and chill.— Conan O’Brien› According to a new study that just came out, older men who frequently use a sauna are less likely to develop dementia. Which is too bad, because if you’re spending that much time looking at old naked guys, there’s probably a lot you’d want to forget. — Conan O’Brien› So far Donald Trump’s cabinet picks have a net worth of over $14 billion. So hopefully, Trump’s plan to balance the budget involves calling a meeting and then just passing the hat around. — Conan O’Brien› The price of gold increased today after falling to its lowest level in almost a year. Which can only mean one thing — Trump is remodeling his bathroom. — Seth Meyers› I want to say happy birthday to “Law & Order” creator Dick Wolf, who turned 70 today. And if you missed his party, don’t worry. It will repeat several times tonight and all day Sunday on the USA Network. — Jimmy Fallon› Facebook is testing a new group phone call feature that will let you talk on the phone with up to 50 friends at once. If you want to try it, you go to Facebook, you click on “Features,” and then select “Living Nightmare.” — Jimmy FallonSource: www.newsmax.com