DEAR ABBY: My husband of 49 years had an affair two years ago with a woman younger than our daughter. The affair is over now, but I no longer trust him.
The “other woman” is a musician who performs with an adult ensemble that he conducts. He refuses to talk to her about discontinuing her involvement in the group, and is, in fact, including her in a tour in which many of our friends and I are involved. I find this demeaning and disrespectful, but he doesn’t think there’s a problem.
I am dismayed, but I haven’t spoken to friends or family about the affair because I don’t want my children or grandchildren to be hurt. What should I do? – OUT OF TUNE IN THE SOUTH
DEAR OUT: If the affair is really over, the young woman is an integral part of the group and you will be accompanying your husband on that tour, do nothing. (I hope it’s a big bus!) If, however, the affair is not a thing of the past, schedule an appointment with an attorney to discuss what your options are and talk with your adult children. They should be warned there may be stormy clouds on the horizon.
DEAR ABBY: I recently contacted a man I dated 32 years ago, when I was 17. He told me he was widowed 13 years ago after a 13-year marriage. Since then, he hasn’t dated anyone, talked to anyone or had any kind of human intimacy whatsoever. He is 58. It isn’t normal and it doesn’t seem like anyone in his family has helped him get through this, so he is stuck.