One of the enduring qualities of my 27-year marriage is the clean division of labor in our household.
In two-income families with kids, it’s especially important to have a plan for housework. If you don’t load the dishwasher, wash the clothes or walk the dogs like clockwork, things can unravel pretty quickly.
I’ve always cherished the fact that my wife and I don’t squabble over household chores — a common topic of marital discord according to newspaper advice columns.
I drift to the jobs I do well, and so does she. These don’t always fit gender stereotypes. For example: I do the dishes and she blows the leaves. I pay the bills, and she has a woodworking shop in the garage. I cook most of the dinners, and she spreads the mulch.
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Part of this teamwork comes from the fact that I grew up the son of an Army sergeant who took household chores seriously. I’ve told the story before about forgetting to take out the trash one day; and then, after school, being ordered to walk the bag of garbage across my hometown to the city dump. My sister claims our dad would pull out the white gloves after she dusted the house, which doesn’t surprise me.
My wife grew up on a working farm in White Pine, Tennessee, so doing daily chores comes as natural to her as breathing. When you are up at dawn tending pigs, housework doesn’t seem like a big deal.
Early in our marriage, almost in passing, I volunteered to do the dishes, and she said she’d do the laundry. I’ve realized over the years that I got the easier gig — especially as our two boys got older and began generating piles of towels, dirty socks and stinky soccer uniforms.
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Still, we’ve stuck to the formula. I can count on my fingers the number of times I’ve done the laundry — discounting for those times when she was out of town. Occasionally, my wife will load or unload the dishwasher, but it’s usually after I’ve worked especially hard at making a meal.
There are times when our jobs overlap. For example, I like cutting the grass, but the outdoor spaces are usually her domain. Consequently, I take care to never cut down a “weed” before checking to make sure it’s not just a dormant perennial.
I did get a little curt recently when my wife suggested I cut the grass on a diagonal to keep from forming ruts in the turf. I think my response was something like: “No, I don’t do it that way. I’ve been cutting the grass the same way for 50 years.”
In retrospect, I should have just nodded and gone about my business.
In my defense, if I ever suggested to my wife that we mix colors and whites in the laundry to save water, her response would probably be a hard no, too.
My wife is several years younger that me, so there’s likely to be a time in the not too distant future when I’m retired and she’s not. We may need to revisit our chore lists then, as I’ll have more time on my hands and would love to lessen her home workload some.
But I feel like we will always have our own bailiwicks. There is comfort in familiarity. I like the solitude of pushing a mower. I like the restful, swishing sounds a dishwasher makes when you start the clean cycle.
I’m also the main custodian of our two little dogs. I like feeding and walking them and paying attention to their napping cycles. As a dog owner, you come to realize that you are the center of their lives — which is why they almost faint with happiness when you return home from work.
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Writer Veronique Vienne has said: “Not postponing chores — and not spending any mental energy equivocating, temporizing or stalling — is actually a lot more restful than worrying about what needs to be done.”
Amen, sister.
So, when it comes to housework, get a partner, get a plan, and get ‘er done.
Contact Mark Kennedy at mkennedy@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6645.