DEAR ABBY: I’m in my early 50s, disabled and live with my elderly mother. Between the ages of 8 and 11 I was sexually abused by my adoptive father. My mother caught him in the act, but the next day they acted like nothing had happened. He never did it again, and it was never spoken about, ever. I have read about women who caught their husbands abusing their children and kicked them out, pressed charges, etc. It makes me think I didn’t matter enough for her to do that. I confronted her about it a few years ago. Her response was that it would have been in all the papers (my parents were prominent musicians), and there was no way she could raise two kids on her own. I still have a deep ache in my soul that I don’t matter as much as other human beings. I resist going to therapy because I live with her, and I know she will quiz me about what we talked about in the sessions. I just want to keep the peace. I don’t know what to do. – STILL HURTING IN NEVADA
Jeanne PhillipsDEAR STILL HURTING: You should absolutely talk about this to a therapist. If your mother demands to know what you’re discussing, tell her. If she unleashes a tirade, invite her to accompany you to a session so she can explain to your therapist that she didn’t kick her child-molesting husband out because she was afraid she couldn’t support herself and two children alone. You and your mom are adults. You should be able to have a frank discussion without her intimidating you with her anger. If anyone has a right to be angry, it is you. She should clearly understand how her inaction affected you for all these years.
DEAR ABBY: During the 2008 presidential elections, I posted negative opinions about same-sex marriage on social media. Since then, I’ve changed my mind. I worked closely with a gay woman for four years. After I got to know her, her wife and two children, I realized they are the same as any other happy family. I feel I may have offended some friends when I posted those views – specifically, my best friend from childhood, who has come out as gay. I’d like to let her know my opinion has changed and that I support her. Should I reach out, and if I do, what should I say? – ADDING MY VOICE FOR EQUALITY
DEAR ADDING: By all means reach out. I congratulate you for becoming more aware of and compassionate about LGBT issues in the last few years. Tell your friend about your change of heart since those posts were written, that you hope her life is happy and fulfilling, and offer an apology if you caused her any hurt. If you would like to explain why your feelings changed, do that, too. I’m sure she will be interested, and glad to know.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.