DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have two children. When we met, he worked two union jobs, paid his bills, saved his money and took care of his mother and grandmother when they needed his financial support. About six years ago, he decided he didn’t want to work with the union anymore, and I supported him in exploring alternative career paths. He has tried currency trading, personal training and used car sales. Nothing seems to stick.
I work five days a week and have a part-time job on the weekends to bring in extra income. We are unable to make ends meet, and my extended family often has to bail us out because we can’t pay our bills. I told my husband I need him to start making a decent income again. He said he would, but I see little effort from him in terms of gaining solid employment.
Our relationship is not going well. I have lost faith in him. I want to stay together, but I need him to provide for his family. I don’t know how much more of this I can tolerate. Please help. — OVERWORKED AND UNDERWHELMED
DEAR O & U: Your husband has gotten comfortable with letting you do the heavy lifting in the family. If you don’t give him specific goals and deadlines, he’s not likely to clean up his act.
State the exact monthly income you need him to provide, even if he ends up working several part-time jobs to do so. Then give him a certain number of job applications he must complete each day. If he doesn’t reach these goals by a certain date, the next step will be separation. This may seem harsh, but remember that you and your kids are suffering because he isn’t pulling his weight.