Wow! I was amazed by the number of responses I got from readers sharing opinions after my last column on “anonymity is no excuse for rudeness.”
Your stories ranged from humorous to heartbreaking, and I thoroughly enjoyed the comebacks you offered, both the thoughtful and smart-alecky, in case it ever happens again.
And if I had a buck for every time the word “rude” was mentioned, I could retire right now. That was the common thread among them: the collective shaking of heads ruing the lack of manners in all ages today.
I also learned from our Weight Watchers at Work counselor that the column was an object lesson/conversation prompt at WW meetings.
For those who missed that column, I shared a personal experience that happened on vacation. A total stranger made a weight crack as I passed her while walking down the beach. I still can’t figure out what would possess anyone to invest the effort to insult someone they don’t know.
But you all sure had some thoughts on the subject. Here are some excerpts, and their authors will remain anonymous.
There was the humorous:
n With a puzzled look, then sudden understanding as you break into a large chuckle, (say) “Now I get it, you’re the beach witch everyone’s talking about,” as you walk off nodding. And she is, and you should have blown her off.
n I’d just chalk it up to her jealousy that you were free to walk down the beach without a care in the world and she was stuck watching her grandson, who probably had recently developed a bad attitude.
n I think a better title would have been “Social ignorance an excuse for rudeness?”… She has no impact on your life unless you let her.”
Some empathized because they’d been there, done that:
n After returning from a visit with her in-laws, one woman received a phone call from a relative who said, “Boy, you USED to be so slim.”
n A reader said as she was walking out her front door, a young man driving by yelled out “chunky” and laughed. She looked around to see who he might be addressing, but there was no one else in sight.
And the heartbreaking…
n A reader wrote that her late mother was morbidly obese all her life due to depression issues. She said her mother was smart, kind, witty and talented, but strangers never got past what they saw on the exterior. She said her mother even sacrificed her own medicines to make sure her children’s needs were met first.
The daughter wrote that when they went to the grocery, her mother had to endure rude parents pointing at her while telling their children, “There’s the fat lady from the circus” or “Fatty, fatty, two by four, can’t get through the kitchen door.”
Can you believe that! How can people be so thoughtless and cruel?
I even got two replies in favor of the rude woman.
One caller told me that I should have steered clear of the woman on the beach. But since I invaded her personal space I put her in fight or flight mode.
Really?!
The other thought I was too touchy. She felt the grandmother was just trying to be nurturing and that I should have accepted the criticism for what it was worth.
Maybe.
Still another stated that the encounter was an example of adult bullying.
That’s when I called a shrink: I asked Tabi Upton, this paper’s columnist who is a counselor at Richmont/CBI Counseling Center, what she thought would prompt a stranger’s rudeness.
Tabi, too, was intrigued by the notion of adult bullying but ultimately came to the conclusion the incident fell under the concept of “projection.”
“Many people will target and point out others’ weaknesses and shortcomings in order to draw attention away from their own,” she said.
“A woman who is struggling with her own weight and feels belittled, or less than, because of it may project that onto the next woman … and (she may) act out the very same behavior she either has received or believes to have received.
“In this way, she may be working out her own fears and negative emotions. By doing so, she keeps herself in a victimized state, however.
“True empowerment comes from accepting one’s own weaknesses and having compassion and empathy for those who also struggle,” Tabi said.
And it was obvious to me from your responses that there are a lot of empowered women among this paper’s readers.
Contact Susan Pierce at spierce@timesfreepress.com or 423-757-6284.