Some people have accused me of being cynical.
I prefer to think of myself as a realist.
“You need to be more positive,” my boyfriend will tell me when I fall into a pattern of lamentation.
“I’m positive this sucks,” I’ll retort snarkily. Suffice to say, I don’t always practice what yogis call an “attitude of gratitude.”
I, please note, am not a practitioner of yoga. I am also more intelligent than a box of hair, therefore I feel fairly confident guessing the meaning of the expression. I perceive it to mean focusing on being grateful for what you have. The perplexed-sounding young lady at a yoga studio I called confirmed this would be an accurate understanding.
Since this is Thanksgiving week, however, it seems appropriate to approach this piece with an attitude of gratitude, as it were, and since this is a column about love, it also seems appropriate to direct that gratitude toward the man I love.
So what are some things I am grateful for in Joe?
* He tells me I look beautiful when I know I don’t. That’s the only thing he lies to me about.
* He knows me. I don’t have to say what I’m thinking in order for him to know what I’m thinking. I’ll still say it, believe me, but I don’t need to.
* He makes me laugh. His sense of humor is biting, witty, intelligent, sometimes ridiculous.
* He gives me what I need, even when it’s not what I want. That’s usually something I appreciate after the fact.
* It doesn’t take a lot for us to have a little adventure together. Our courtship was nourished on late-night walks to the 24-hour Dunkin’ Donuts and drives in his ’83 Oldsmobile. Bench seats are very romantic.
* He takes care of me. Making someone a cup of tea without being asked is a little thing, but the little things matter.
* He’s not too proud to let me take care of him.
* He’s brilliant, but modest. Joe could outwit almost anyone in an argument but attempts to do so infrequently because being proven right isn’t always the most important thing to him. Unless the argument is with me. Then, he likes being right.
* He cares what my family thinks.
* He cares enough to fight with me and fight for me.
* He has a diversity of interests, from genealogy to international politics to science fiction and beyond. Some of his interests accord with mine; others do not. It gives us the opportunity to learn from each other and to maintain some things that are just ours.
* He believes in me. Joe has seen me at my absolute worst, and he sees the best in me, believing I can do or be anything I want.
* To paraphrase Rainer Maria Rilke, he guards my solitude. He is neither interested in “completing” me, nor in having me “complete” him. He sees me as whole, even on the days I feel fractured. And, yes, as long as we’re paraphrasing, permit me to whip out some Peter Gabriel and say that in his eyes, I am, indeed, complete.
(To everyone who is now picturing John Cusack with a boom box over his head: You’re welcome).
Most of all, I think, I’m thankful for that feeling I get when we’re together and I just feel like “this is where I’m meant to be.” Like. .. home.
(Egads, this is getting overtly sentimental. I promise, I won’t break out in song.
What about the rest of you? Think of a person you love. Any person. What about that person makes you thankful?
Love, if you want (ahem, hint, hint), you can make your own list. Then we can hang them on the refrigerator for next time we snipe at each other about who needs to wash the dishes.
By the way, it’s your turn.