Following Wednesday’s ruling by the National Labor Relations Board that college football players at Northwestern University can unionize, we invision a (hypothetical) negotiating table where Marshall (Texas) High School running back Cole Pyle, his parents, his agent, his lawyer and attorneys for his future employer, the University of Michigan, are gathered to consider his contract:
Solomon Brendenhoff (Pyle’s agent): Here are our non-negotiables. A salary, starting at $100,000 as a freshman, and rising $100,000 a year to $400,000 when Cole’s a senior. Full health-care coverage, and we’re not talking any of that Obamacare stuff. We’re talking a Cadillac plan, similar to what’s available for Congress. A furnished off-campus apartment. A new car of his choice in the $40,000-$50,000 range. We want to be reasonable, after all. A maximum of one academic class per semester, as long as it fits his practice schedule. Oh, and, immunity from any local charges upon the commission of crimes.
Phelps Byzentine (University of Michigan attorney): OK, we can do most of that, but I don’t think we can guarantee the immunity. We can certainly look the other way, but …
Brendenhoff: OK, look. We’d accept federal charges because we don’t think Cole would do anything that rash, but kids will be kids. A little weed. Minor prescription drugs. A hookup here and there, maybe, that wasn’t the girl’s idea. I mean, he’s a good-looking kid, wouldn’t you say?
Byzentine: Well, uh, sure. We can probably work that out if the discretions are kept to campus. We’ll talk to campus police and let them know he’s off limits.