“Jacob was 10 months old when I went with my mom and a friend to high tea,” says Joy Groblebe. “My mom barely dipped her finger in pistachio ice cream and put her finger in Jacob’s mouth. I went ballistic because kids can’t have dairy until they are a year old. When baby No. 2 came along, she was eating strawberry Popsicles at six months.”
Talk with just about any mom or dad about being a first-time parent, and most of them laugh out loud as they think back to those early years.
First-time parents often find themselves in the position of being highly motivated to do a good job bringing up their child. Since their child does not come with an “owner’s manual,” they rely on friends, family, books, the Web and their own ideas about what is appropriate and what they should expect from their child.
While resources are helpful, it is important to remember there is no cookie-cutter approach that works magic with every child. It is easy to fall into the trap of trying to be the perfect parent and being uptight all the time. Not only does the baby pick up on this, it is exhausting for both mom and dad.
Cut yourself some slack and cut your child some slack. Instead of trying to do everything perfectly, experienced parents encourage first-time parents to do your best and be good with that. You will make mistakes; everybody does.
Here are some additional words of wisdom from parents who have “been there, and done that”:
• Relax. Babies do best with calm, confident parents. It gives them a sense of security, serenity and peace.
• Sleep when the baby sleeps. No child will remember whether the house was clean or whether the laundry was in drawers or a pile on the couch, but they will remember what you played with them and time spent with them.
• There is no “perfect” or even a “right” way. Don’t beat yourself up for what you (or others) assume to be a mistake. In general, just lighten up; have fun with it. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. Enjoy the journey.
• Avoid being judgmental of other’s parenting or saying “I will never do that.” Each child is uniquely created and responds differently to parenting … what works on one of your children may not work with the next.
• Love them, hold them, snuggle as often as you can because they will be toddlers, preschoolers, teenagers in a blink.
• Respect your children and they will respect you.
• Pray for and with them.
• Remember, they are little humans and are entitled to a bad day, just like you.
• As tempting as it is to want to buy stuff for your child, they are quick to forget all the things you buy them. They will remember the time and experiences they have with you for much longer.
• Keep your marriage first and your child second.
• Surround yourself with people who will encourage you, give you a break when you need it and listen when challenges arise.
The birth of your first child can be exhilarating and intimidating all at the same time. Taking these wise words to heart will help you avoid unnecessary meltdowns and encourage you to enjoy your child.
Julie Baumgardner is president and CEO of First Things First. Contact her at julieb@firstthings.org.