Jay GreesonHere’s hoping you have a great Easter and spend it with the ones you love.
Sunday will be one of the two busiest church days on the calendar, so if you are stopping by to celebrate the season, here are a few things to remember:
Get there early. There will be a full house whether you are headed to Abba’s or a one-room church building. And that’s a good thing. As Brother Bud Abbott used to say in Smyrna when introducing a new member to the church, “All those in favor say aye … all those opposed, of course there will be none.”
Keep your head on a swivel in the parking lot. The traffic patterns outside of crowded churches and high schools have a high volume of less-than-stellar drivers on the opposite ends of the age spectrum.
Make sure your kids are fed. Nothing worse than an ornery little one with an empty belly.
If you bring snacks, do not bring any with cellophane wrapping. Too much noise and some of the older ladies are going to shoot you a look.
And then you may be on the other end of their Buick in the parking lot later.
Speaking of Sunday, is there not another issue out there to keep the busybodies at PETA busy so they don’t have to wage war on Easter ham?
OK, we get it. You want everyone to eat seed pods and drink kelp juice medley.
Loincloths for everyone. Great.
But do we really need the bloody cleaver on the billboard?
Happy Easter, everyone. Pass the ham.
Man, if there’s one thing that could save the Casey barge, maybe it’s a goodwill gesture from the Cherokee Nation.
Apparently Dale F. Cook Sr. told this newspaper’s Mike Pare that the nation potentially would be interested in the barge as part of some sort of commemorative Trail of Tears water ride.
The only water ride the rickety Casey barge could emulate is the Titanic, for crying out loud.
Man, the lingering guilt of the Trail of Tears is bad enough. Let’s not sign on for the River Shiver.
It’s official. The Casey barge has officially become Cousin Eddie — it was comical at first, then it became tough to look at and now everyone just wants it to go away.
And while anyone’s attempt to make chicken salad out of the mess that is the barge is commendable, let’s just let that floater go.
So Todd Gardenhire believes there is a distinction in the degree of insult between body orifices nomenclature.
Gardenhire, you may recall, allegedly called one of the Insure Tennessee protesters this week a specific body part that sounds a lot like bass pole. Gardenhire later said he actually said something similar and that his word choice was kinder. Next thing you know, Todd will tell us that tush or keister is an out-and-out compliment.
While we’re not sure that Emily Post has a chapter on the do’s and don’ts of orifice rankings, or other body parts for that matter, we’ll just remind Sen. Gardenhire that a closed mouth gathers no foot.
Speaking of politics, it appears the posturing season is among us.
Last week TFP political ace Andy Sher could not get Bo Watson to say he would not run against Chuck Fleischmann.
Sher also had the announcement of some 27-year-old fellow throwing his hat in a political ring.
In a mild upset, that 27-year-old was not Weston Wamp; rather, he is a Murfreesboro attorney named Garrett Starrett. (“Grandpa” Wamp actually turned 28 late last month, so there’s that.)
Starrett will make a run at U.S. Rep. Scott DesJarlais and his checkered past in next year’s 4th District Republican primary.
As for Watson and the host of potential primary foes for the seemingly always tussled but not yet toppled Fleischmann, well, with each passing term, Chuck has worked to be better.
There could be a gaggle of challengers to Chuck’s seat — we’ve even heard some names like Gerald McCormick, Greg Vital and Mike Carter could be interested — but Chuck’s Weeble-ness — he may wobble but he does not fall — will be even more galvanized in next summer’s primary.
Jay Greeson’s column will appear on Page A2 on Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays. His sports columns are scheduled for Tuesdays and Fridays. You can read his online column the “5-at-10” Monday through Friday at timesfreepress.com after 10 a.m. Contact him at jgree son@timesfreepress.com and follow him on Twitter at @jgreesontfp.