Julie BaumgardnerWhy do some couples embrace the empty nest while others end up in divorce court?
“There are lots of sides to the empty nest that are complicated,” says psychologist Dr. Susan Hickman. “Many experience depression, feelings of sadness, anxiety, identity crisis and significant grief. I remember when our daughter loaded up the van and headed to Oregon. I sat on the curb and sobbed. I was inconsolable for several days.”
While response to the empty nest varies from couple to couple, women and couples with an only child seem to experience the loss more intensely.
“A huge part of dealing with the transition to the empty nest comes down to how strongly a person identifies with their parenting role to the exclusion of their own self-identity,” Hickman says. “When things come to an abrupt end, if all you have done for 18 years is focus on your child’s needs, many parents struggle to remember the kinds of things they enjoyed before children came into the picture.”
Additionally, it is not unusual for each person to experience the empty nest with differing emotions within the couple relationship. One person openly grieves the loss while the other deals with it by throwing themselves into work or a project as a distraction. This has created significant conflict in many marriages.