Punchlines

Late Night Laughs

Trump’s transition› A new report finds that protecting Donald Trump and his family is costing New York City taxpayers over $1 million a day. Then Trump was like, “Thank God I’m not a taxpayer!” — Jimmy Fallon› Right now, the focus is on who Trump will appoint to his cabinet. In fact, C-SPAN aired a live feed of the elevators at Trump Tower that captured potential cabinet members going up to meet him. It even caught the moment when Ted Cruz was approaching the elevator and everyone inside frantically hit the “door close” button. — Jimmy Fallon› Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, was being interviewed yesterday and said she’s “very confident” that Trump isn’t breaking any laws during his transition. Then Americans were like, “Uh … we weren’t even suspicious until you said that.” — Jimmy Fallon› Trump went on Twitter yesterday to claim that he actually won the popular vote if you deduct the millions of illegal voters and that any recount will change nothing. Speaking of nothing changing, Trump won and still says the election was rigged. — Jimmy Fallon› Yesterday, Donald Trump tweeted that millions of people voted illegally on Election Day. Then someone told Trump it’s not illegal for women to vote. — Conan O’Brien› When asked this afternoon if he reads The New York Times, Donald Trump told reporters, quote, “I do read it. Unfortunately. I’d live about 20 years longer if I didn’t.” “Got your paper, sir!” said Mike Pence. — Seth Meyers› Donald Trump said he will not try and send Hillary Clinton to jail. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, “Hey, you promised.” — Conan O’BrienSource: www.newsmax.com