Ellen Phillips My husband and I are newly-weds and already argue about handling money. I write the checks for bills, etc., but our account doesn’t always balance when he also writes checks. We just can’t seem to come to a resolution for financial happiness. – Brittany Bride
Dear Mrs. Bride: Unfortunately, one of you must agree to be the family’s chief financial officer. Studies show that money issues are a huge part of whether a marriage is successful or not, plus most of us have heard that famous quote all our lives “Money is the root of all evil.” As you and Hubby discovered, when both write checks from a single account, sometimes an amount isn’t entered into the register which can make you think you’ve more money than is actually the case. While I’m certainly no marriage counselor or financial wizard, perhaps I – and some experts from SmartMoney – can offer a bit of advice for a more contented (financial) future.
Consider different accounts for household expenses. A good friend and her husband swear by this approach. They pretty much know all incoming monthly expenses so, from each person’s paycheck, they deposit this amount in a “household” account strictly to pay bills. She’s actually the bill payer (and set up an online system). Other deductions come from “his personal” and/or “her personal” accounts. Whether for dining out, gifts, a daily latte, other-than-household grocery shopping, or any other expense, each person spends only from his or her individual account. (My friends take this method a step further: they split eating out or having guests over to dine right down the middle. While I may not agree with such a strict practice, over the years they’ve saved enough to recently make a substantial down payment on their own home.) SmartMoney calls this “autonomy money,” and it is but one management method that works for couples.
Deal with debt. Whether it’s money owed by one spouse upon entering the marriage or a debt the couple takes on together, this is the one topic that sparks the most quarrels. Remember, even though one person isn’t legally responsible for incurred debt prior to marriage (and particularly if a couple keeps separate finances), his or her darling’s credit score can affect the other’s ability to obtain joint credit – as in buying a home. The answer for any monies owed by one spouse is to pay off the debt as quickly as possible so you both aren’t adversely affected.
Keep no secrets. Yeah, yeah, everyone needs some privacy in a marriage or partnership. However, HIPAA practices don’t overtake good ole’ common sense. That $500 Uncle Harry sent shouldn’t be hidden from your mate because you buy some new outfits, nor should the new golf club that cost several weeks’ worth of grocery money be concealed. While secrets like these aren’t as awful as having a “friend” on the sly or clandestine gambling jaunts to Vegas when you’re supposedly gone on business trips, keeping zipped lips about money matters may be thought of as financial infidelity.