An episode of “The 700 Club” recently caught our attention. In responding to a mother, host Pat Robertson advised that “someone should take that child to the woodshed and let him understand the blessings of discipline. He needs a strong male figure.”
It would seem clear that we have progressed in our understanding of child discipline, that there are far better ways to instruct your children than beating them.
Tom Tozer and Bill Black pose for a portrait Monday, March 28, 2016 at the Chattanooga Times Free Press.Certainly, no matter how much they deny or resist it, teenagers need structure. They live impromptu lives; they act and react impulsively; they don’t often think things through or anticipate consequences of their actions. In other words, they are in process.
Whether or not they turn out to be responsible and sensible grown-ups depends on the nurturing and stewardship of good parenting. But physically harming them does more to instill hurt and alienation than it does good behavior.
Even teens who come from good families and have solid foundations act out in ways that betray those attributes. But teenagers live to be popular, to be noticed, to stand out. They will do things that make no sense to adults because our memories have faded; we don’t remember when we did those dumb things.
Teenagers need some routine to their day. They need to develop good habits. They need a semblance of a schedule, a timetable, so that they get to school, practice, piano lessons and work on time. Very few of them are gifted with the discipline it takes to do what needs to be done. They would rather do what they want to do. (Wouldn’t we all?) But bad, sloppy habits follow a person and create permanent negative behaviors.
Surely, teens need strong parental influences. But being a strong parent does not mean taking the child “to the woodshed.” It means gaining their respect, winning their attention, modeling the behavior you expect and expecting the behavior you want – and loving them.
You may need to put away the mobile devices such as cellphones and iPads and implement a “checkout” system. You may need to teach your son or daughter how to write an itinerary on the kitchen whiteboard and call in with an occasional “progress” report. You may need to go so far as to help your teenager block out his or her day school, homework, texting, dinner, romance, part-time job, recreation/social activity, not necessarily in that order and subject to parental change. Then make it stick.
Sounds kind of bossy, even dictatorial. Rest assured, however, that if your teenager is living day in and day out footloose and fancy free – without some structure – the village will indeed take over. And you may not be happy with the outcome.
Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of “Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers.” Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.