Current events
From www.newsmax.com:
* I saw that WebMD is being sold for $2.8 billion. The owner said he was just getting tired – but WebMD says it could either be gout, polio, or scurvy. – Jimmy Fallon
* That’s right, WebMD is being sold. No word on who bought it, but let’s just say the Republicans finally found a replacement for Obamacare. – Jimmy Fallon
Lisa Denton* Discovery Channel’s Shark Week made a huge deal about a race between Michael Phelps and a great white shark and they were talking it up all week. Well, people on Twitter were very disappointed that they used CGI and Phelps wasn’t actually racing alongside a great white shark. What do people expect? You can’t get a shark to have a race on command. It’s a shark. – James Corden