This is the season for making a fresh start, resolving to change our behavior or to break a long-held habit.
We all have experienced a tempestuous political campaign, one in which shouting and interrupting one another threatens to become the new social norm. We hope all of us across this nation can reverse that troubling trend. Let’s resolve to do so for the sake of our children.
Tom Tozer and Bill Black pose for a portrait Monday, March 28, 2016 at the Chattanooga Times Free Press.Changing this behavior doesn’t begin at church or school or even in the White House. Turning negative behavior into positive interaction starts at home.
The most important role models our kids have in their lives are Dad and Mom. Teenagers especially are notorious for rejecting anything their parents tell them. And yet, while they are rebelling against Mom and Dad’s advice, they are also watching and emulating the way Mom and Dad relate to each other and to others. We are the single greatest influences in the lives of our sons and daughters.
Try serving as role models by listening in your home. Shrill putdowns and insults surround us. We are living in a time when implicit permission has been granted to all of us to out-shout the opposition. Too many subscribe to the notion that the loudest mouth in the room is the one who must be right. If I can dominate the conversation with both volume and intensity, I can force my “truth” down your throat.
Bullies operate this way. The bag of wind on TV or in the halls of Congress draws attention this way. Many moms and dads parent this way. Why should I listen to you? It’s my way or the highway.
Dad, if you’re a typical “man with the answers,” rather than listening to what’s being said to you, you’re too often busy gathering your verbal ammo in order to return fire. Mom, if you’re too weary to stop, look and listen intently to your teen, your teen will simply stop talking to you. Not listening is a bad habit you need to break. If you tune in to what your spouse or child is saying to you, your spouse or child will gradually give you their attention.
Clear the clutter from your mind and really listen. Manage your ego so that you don’t insist on having the last and loudest word. Appreciate the fact that your kid is speaking to you. Listen up!
Where did we ever get the idea that we get smarter by yakking or that anyone within hearing distance of us will be transformed intellectually by all that pours out of our mouth? Wisdom and knowledge come from listening, from discerning the nuances of what is being said and not said. Good listening requires concentration, a skill that demands our time, attention and interest.
Tom Tozer and Bill Black are authors of “Dads2Dads: Tools for Raising Teenagers.” Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter at Dads2Dadsllc. Contact them at tomandbill@Dads2Dadsllc.com.