Jeanne PhillipsDEAR ABBY: I don’t know what to do. I was having an affair with the most wonderful (married) man. I’m sure that he and I were the only ones who knew. He passed away unexpectedly a few years ago. I still go to the place where we met and hung out together. In my mind, I see him walking in and speaking his last words to me.
How do I mourn for him without giving it away? He was cremated, so there’s no grave to visit. I end up in tears when I visit “our” place. I need all the advice you have to offer. – NEEDS HELP IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR NEEDS HELP: Please accept my sympathy for your clearly heartfelt loss. Ordinarily I’d suggest you join a grief support group, but I’m afraid if you do, you might run into his widow if you live in the same area.
It might help you to visit the place you met less often. Surely there are less painful places you can go to quietly reflect on your relationship. You might also consider discussing your feelings with a therapist or a trusted, nonjudgmental friend, because keeping these feelings bottled up is not healthy.
DEAR ABBY: There is a nice couple we know who make their own wine. They give us a couple of bottles a year and ask us to return the empties, which we are happy to do.