Dear Abby: Fetish drives man to badger his wife into smoking again

photo Jeanne Phillips

DEAR ABBY: I am 28. I recently married "Jeremy." We connect, communicate, understand and love everything about each other. But Jeremy has an obsession with women smoking cigarettes. I don't smoke. I did for nine years but quit five years ago. I hated the smell, the waste of money, the example to my kids, the harm to my health and feeling out of breath. Smoking has killed some of my relatives, and Jeremy knows it. But every day he keeps begging me to start again. He tells me he'd do anything in the world to turn me on and doesn't understand why I refuse to please him. He asks me to hold a cigarette, take pictures of myself smoking and send them to him. He wants to smell it on my breath. He's obsessed. It's selfish that he wants me to put myself at risk to arouse him. What should I do? - HURT IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR HURT: I'll have to admit, your letter is a first. If Jeremy loved you, rather than risk your health for his sexual gratification, he would be seeking professional help for his fetish.

Smoking is not a harmless habit. If you take up smoking again, it will ruin your health and endanger the health of any children you might have with him. Do not give in. Do not risk cancer or lung disease to please him.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, I attended my daughter's high school graduation. It was an outdoor event, and to my chagrin, the whole crowd to our left was talking over the speakers, which made it impossible to hear. My children, who also could not hear, were mortified when I shushed the group very loudly. It made no difference, but the argument now is that I acted inappropriately.

I believe I was right, and I wish I had even stood up and asked loudly for them to please be quiet. What do you think? - QUIET, PLEASE, IN NEW HAVEN

DEAR QUIET, PLEASE: I don't think you did anything wrong. The individuals who were talking were rude not only to the speakers but also to the audience members who wanted to hear what the speakers were saying without being distracted. Good for you for trying to get them to pipe down. I'm sorry they were so self-entitled that it didn't work.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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