Jeanne PhillipsDEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for 38 years. We both had long professional careers and saved diligently for our retirement. Our children are on their own and doing well with their careers.
My husband retired six years ago. His daily routine is visiting his mother (every day) in an assisted-living facility. It is an expensive place, and they take great care of her. I have just retired. I waited to do it until I was 67, thinking we could start to travel (not move).
My husband has now informed me he doesn’t want to go on any two- to three-week vacations because of his mother. He says he needs to see her every day. Abby, the woman is 98 and going strong! There’s nothing wrong with her except for some forgetfulness.
I don’t understand why he feels he “needs” to see her every day. When I try to question him, he gets angry and upset. He makes me feel like I’m the mean one. This is ruining our marriage. I’m not sure what I can do (if anything) to fix it. Help! – RANKED SECOND IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR RANKED SECOND: When a man marries, his wife is supposed to take precedence over his mother. However, because your husband “needs” to do this, you cannot be perceived as standing in his way, which will cause further resentment. His motive may be devotion. It could also be a feeling he could have been a better son in years past.