DEAR ABBY: I am writing because I have a very hard time making conversation. I read your mother’s booklet which suggests asking people questions about themselves, but family and friends accuse me of interrogating them. I also have failed several job interviews. I must be missing something.
What’s the correct way to have a conversation? How many questions are too many? How do I make amends to the people who aren’t speaking to me? I never meant to offend anyone. – IGNORANT, NOT INTERROGATING
DEAR “IGNORANT”: You may have taken my late mother’s advice too literally. What she was trying to convey is that people are usually attracted to those who find them interesting, and asking a question is a a way to draw someone out.
However, conversations are supposed to be an exchange of information. Because people accuse you of “grilling” them, you may be asking a barrage of questions without giving anything back. A better example of a conversation starter might be:
Q. “How was your weekend? We went skiing on Sunday afternoon.” Then describe something that happened. (Saw the cutest family, got a nasty sunburn, etc.)