When the trust was broken in my marriage, I wondered if we could survive without it. Trust is a cornerstone of marriage. When we trust our partner, we feel emotionally safe with them. This safety allows for deeper connection and drives us to endure tough times when they arise. Trust is not only important for the health of our relationship but also for our physical health.
For more than 40 years, researcher John Gottman, who holds a doctorate in clinical psychology, has been studying what makes a marriage work. He found that the No. 1 issue for couples was trust and betrayal. During his study, social psychologists asked people in relationships, “What is the most desirable quality you’re looking for in a partner when you’re dating?” The No. 1 response was trustworthiness.
Gottman found what many of us would agree with: Trust is essential to healthy relationships.
So how do we build trust? Trust is created in the small moments. Gottman calls these sliding-door moments. “In any interaction, there is a possibility of connecting with your partner or turning away from your partner.” One moment may not be that important when thought of by itself, but if you continually turn toward your spouse in the small moments, you’re building trust. If you continually turn away from your spouse, you’re eroding trust.
But what happens when there’s betrayal?