The Tokyo Summer Olympic Games began, as the Olympics always do, with the Parade of Nations - many of which we have yet to invade. By marching in those loud outfits, however, their people just seem to be asking for it.
It troubles the "woke" left that we are running out of things to call racist. With it being fashionable to demonstrate against America even when you represent America, viewership is way down.
The "woke" Olympics are turning folks off. But be sure to watch one event, the 400-meter hurdles, which will be won by a male gazelle who self-identifies as a woman. And there is drama around Germany's woman shot-putter and whether she can compete; she is battling a groin pull and jock itch. Stay tuned.
America is repulsed by the likes of Gwen Berry; in the Olympic trials, she turned her back on our flag in support of BLM, a Marxist-founded organization. I am so American that, when a Mercedes SUV commercial comes on TV, I kneel to show support for my GMC Yukon.
Because of fear of spreading COVID and the notorious STD spreads in the Olympic Village during the games, Japan's Olympic organizers have installed collapsible beds that fall apart when two people start moving on them. They got the idea from IKEA's Honeymoon Bedding Collection.
The Olympic Games are like soccer, condoms, the metric system and recycling: Americans act like they are into them, but we really are not. As you can tell, I am not a huge fan of the Olympics. I do not like seeing Americans in a competition where they can lose to someone from France.
Commentators covering Olympic swimming noted that infants are born with the innate ability to swim. I trust you all are as suspicious as I am of the first parents to determine that.
Instead of every four years, I suggest holding the Olympic Games every 10, which would be just often enough to remind people why we only hold them once every 10 years. Better yet, cancel them entirely and see if anyone notices. I bet even Dick Button wouldn't care.
At least the Summer Games have some underpinnings of real athleticism. Running, jumping, boxing and basketball all seem like worthwhile international competitions and, therefore, we field our best athletes. I am going to encourage Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein to enter the broad jumping event next time.
The Olympics come as Nancy Pelosi, fixated on the Jan. 6 protest at "her Capitol," named a supposedly bipartisan committee to "investigate" this biggest threat to our democracy. Apparently a few out-of-control rednecks monkeyed with her podium and would not leave the People's House when asked. She packed the commission with partisan political hacks. She might as well have named them to the U.S. Olympic Conclusion Jumping team.
The Olympics date back to ancient Greece, but only in Summer Games form. The Greeks realized they could humiliate the loser of a contest much longer if, instead of throwing him to the lions, they just gave him a bronze medal. The ancient Olympic Games were performed in the nude, with a 50-50 chance that one of the contestants would die if he lost. NBC's ratings were high back then.
Russia has had to sit out some of the games for doping and cheating in previous Olympics. The scandal was called Gold Meddling. Libs tried to tie that to Trump, and he might get impeached by Dems again over it. But here's the shocker: If you cannot trust a totalitarian communist regime headed by a former KGB agent, what can you trust? Most Russian athletes were banned from the 2018 Olympics, but they were able to play in the 2020 U.S. elections.
Los Angeles will host the Olympics in 2028, so those planning on going had best get on the 405 Freeway in the next couple of days to get there in time.
Contact Ron Hart, a syndicated op-ed satirist, author, and TV/radio commentator, at Ron@RonaldHart.com or Twitter @RonaldHart.