DEAR ABBY: I am one of six adult siblings. Our youngest brother, “Clark,” died of cancer five years ago. He was my best friend. As kids, we did everything together, and we remained close as we got older. As he was dying, Clark asked me to keep his wife, “Liz,” and his children in the family. I have tried my best.
Every year, I have a large family Christmas party. Liz and her children attend and seem to have a good time. I call or text her monthly, but I rarely receive a reply. She did text me happy birthday. I was OK with this until I heard from my nephew (Clark’s son) that there was a memorial service for him. When I asked him who was there, he said everybody. It really hurt because I wasn’t informed, nor were any of my siblings.
I want to respect Clark’s wishes, but even before this, Liz didn’t seem to respect my nuclear family. I don’t know what to do going forward because I have such sad and angry feelings over not being invited to his memorial. – CONFLICTED SIS IN THE EAST
DEAR SIS: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your brother. What you should do is call your former sister-in-law and ask her why you and your siblings were excluded from the memorial, which is a shocking oversight. Then, if her apology is not satisfactory, consider yourself relieved of that deathbed promise, which clearly hasn’t been appreciated.
DEAR ABBY: I was recently in a restaurant with a friend who is deaf. (I can hear.) We were using American Sign Language to communicate. A group walked past us, saw we were using sign language and assumed neither of us could hear. One of them told her friends we were deaf and dumb. When the server came to my table to take our order and they realized I could hear, they were visibly surprised.