DEAR ABBY: I have been dating “Brent” for four years. Prior to meeting him, I was divorced with two children. Brent shows little interest in my kids’ lives. He doesn’t want us to live together before the kids are out of the house, and he never plans to get married. (My youngest is 10.)
Even if he would agree to move in now, I don’t want to move to his city because my kids need to be close to their school, their friends and their father. Brent doesn’t want to relocate because it’s heavily populated and he thinks my town is geared more toward a younger generation.
I really would like to take our relationship to the next level. I have been trying to do it for four years, but he ignores my subtle hints. I can’t imagine life without him. I have even considered getting pregnant to make this relationship go further, in spite of knowing he doesn’t want a baby. Advice? – GETTING DESPERATE IN THE HEARTLAND
DEAR GETTING DESPERATE: You have wasted four years of your life on the wrong man. Brent is centered on himself and would be a negative, disruptive influence in your children’s lives. Your first responsibility must be to them. If they were miserable, you would be too. Trust me on that.
As to the idea of trapping him by becoming pregnant in spite of the fact that he doesn’t want to be a father – I don’t recommend it! You could get a rude awakening and end up parenting a child you didn’t really want all by yourself. So start imagining a life without him. It will be a happier one that way.