DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two elementary-aged children. My mother occasionally babysits for us and freely volunteers to do so. If we sometimes hire sitters, she seems offended. However, she insists she must watch the children in our home, never hers.
While we appreciate her time, it would be lovely to drop the children off at her home occasionally rather than have to leave our house if we want a date night. I have made gentle suggestions, which she invariably declines. I should mention the condition of her home is borderline hoarder status. We have offered to sort things with her, and even hire a company to help her move anything she could part with.
Her house is starting to smell funny and it’s definitely not very clean. I’m at a loss about why she won’t address this. It’s not a time issue; she’s retired. I suspect she’s deliberately making the house unwelcoming to avoid having anyone over, including her grandchildren.
When she babysits at our house, she sets a very early end time (i.e., 9 p.m.), then complains about how tired she is and gets a bit martyrish, although she has told me on many other occasions that she enjoys our kids and they are “easy” to watch. I can’t help but feel this issue might be resolved at her house. Am I unreasonable, or do you have other suggestions? – DATE NIGHT IN MICHIGAN
DEAR DATE NIGHT: You aren’t being unreasonable. I would describe your attitude as entitled. Your mother is also entitled. She’s entitled to set the time and place in which she will be performing this free service for you. If your date will extend beyond the time your mom is available, you will have to hire someone else, and she will have to accept it.