According to an extensive survey conducted by Cornell University, 40% of adult children in America have been estranged from their parents or a significant family figure at some point. The majority of these cutoffs were initiated by the children themselves.
David Brooks, an author and editor for The New York Times, dug deep into this phenomenon. His research revealed a potential culprit for the rise in disconnection between family members — a generational shift in parenting. “Practices that seemed like normal parenting to one generation are conceptualized as abusive, overbearing and traumatizing to another,” he writes.
In his book “Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How To Mend Them,” Cornell sociologist Karl Pillemer writes that the children in these cases often cite harsh parenting, parental favoritism, divorce and poor and increasingly hostile communication as tiny bombs that lead to a monumental, explosive event. Meanwhile, the parents in these situations remember an entirely different experience and blame their children for rewriting what happened and catastrophizing memories to play the victim.
If you find yourself face-to-face with this situation, there’s still hope. Whether you’re an adult child who feels your parents mishandled your childhood or a parent who knows you did all you could to provide a stable, loving home for your family, the first rule of reconciliation is a shared desire for improvement.
Here are four things you can do to initiate a fruitful, constructive journey of reconciliation.