“Do things get better?”
The question came out of the blue. I am blessed to be able to preach to young people all over the place, and for whatever reason, God generally allows Dana and me to make a really good connection with these precious kids.
The question came without context. But I instinctively knew what was being asked.
“Yes, they do,” was my confident answer, and the look of relief on the face of the questioner was unmistakable.
To quote the oft-repeated modern proverb, “Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.” The school years, for me, though adorned with some friends and some wonderful times, were also tumultuous times. Looking back with the understanding that only comes from the passing of years, I can see that most all of us were uncertain while pretending to be confident, scared while posing as cool, and often dying inside while laughing and acting as if we were having the greatest time in the world.
And yet, here I am at age 54 with a life I could only have dreamed about way back then. And maybe it is this — all of it, the good and the bad — that makes my heart break a bit when I see kids today struggling to just survive from moment to moment. So, from me to you, and more importantly from God to you, here are a few things I want you to know. And since schoolkids are generally not the most avid readers of newspapers, I am counting on your parents and grandparents to get this to you if you need it.
First off, God has a plan for your life, and most of it is big, wonderful and (this is important) not what you are going through now. To view the handful of years between childhood and adulthood as the end-all-be-all of human existence would be like Leonardo da Vinci drawing a mere pencil outline of the “Mona Lisa” and then hanging it on the wall as complete.
God told Jeremiah, “Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.” And the same God who had amazing plans for Jeremiah the kid to become Jeremiah the world-famous prophet also has big plans for every other life, including yours.
I used to be a scared kid trying to pass my classes while also trying to figure out how to interact with girls without being a complete goober. Now I am a husband, father, pastor, evangelist, newspaper columnist, author, powerlifter, martial artist and purveyor of fine dad jokes.
Second, your best and longest-lasting friendships are probably yet to be made. In high school, you have friends, but you and all of them are about to launch like wobbly rockets into who knows where. Some will stay in the hometown; others will go to college; some will join the military; others will get married and busy with family. There are infinite destinations people will land in, meaning you will lose track of a lot of the folks you are now spending every single day with. And this means, just like David and Jonathan, your dearest friends in life are likely going to be made when you begin to venture out into the young-adult world. I rarely see anyone I was in high school with anymore. But a friend I made in martial arts is one I am still super tight with to this very day. A preacher friend from my days teaching college and a singer and his family that I met at a jubilee have also become some of my very dearest friends.
Third, whatever is happening in your family is a side of the coin you have little to no control over. But the other side of that coin is what will happen in the family you start for yourself. And that you have tons of control over; it can pretty much be as good as you want; the whole Bible is full of wisdom on how family should treat each other.
I know what I am talking about. My biological father tried to kill me in the womb, my mother ran, and I never knew him. Records tell me he died in 1984. My adoptive father was angry and violent and left us when I was just a kid. He died 10 years ago, and I only found that out recently. So I have mourned two fathers that I either never knew and/or were, to put it mildly, not good fathers; that is some serious country music fodder right there.
But that was not the end of the story. I married an amazing woman, and we now have 30 wonderful years of marriage to look back on. We have three fantastic children, and I have a phenomenal relationship with all of them. My mother is still alive, and she and I still love each other fiercely. My wife’s family has become the other half of my own family; I am as tight with them as I am with my own blood.
Fourth, you are an unfinished product, a masterpiece in the making. You often look in the mirror and groan, dying at what you see, obsessing over every pimple, unruly hair and perceived flaw. But if you were to find the yearbook pictures of every famous star and singer and athlete, you would mostly find the pictures of people who clearly had plenty of those own moments of misery.
Like them, you are going to get taller, stronger, your skin is going to improve, your voice is going to settle into its designed range, your brain is going to start to function at top capacity, and you are finally going to figure out how to prepare yourself and carry yourself every day in every situation. Do you know who Luke 2:40 says grew and got stronger and was filled with wisdom? Jesus. Even he went through the change from kid to adult.
Hang in there; you got this.
Bo Wagner is pastor of Cornerstone Baptist Church of Mooresboro, North Carolina, a widely traveled evangelist and the author of several books available on Amazon and at wordofhismouth.com. Email him at 2knowhim@cbc-web.org.