The voicemail message from the editor was short and ominous: “See me immediately.” I will admit I did a short gulp and my stress level shot up another 15 points; this couldn’t be good.
I started to do a frantic search for some emails from readers saying how much they loved my writing. There had to be some — somewhere — but I soon gave up this search as my email was nagging me again, something about how I would soon run out of storage. I thought this strange as there seemed to be only around 50,000 messages there. Oh well, I’ll check on that later.
I grabbed a yellow pad and two pens in what I knew was a futile attempt to look competent and efficient, then started down the long hallway. The editor’s secretary gave me the same pained look she always did and nodded her head as if to say: “He’s waiting for you. Enter at your own risk.”
I did and found the office was dimly lit and reeked of cigar smoke and unresolved anger. This editor, who always reminded me of the bombastic editor in the Spider-Man stories, Jonah Jameson, grabbed the stub of what was probably his third cigar of the day and growled his question/demand: “OK, Case, what you got for us this week?”
(READ MORE: So you want to be a gun writer?)
You know you are in trouble when they use your last name, but I forged on: “I’m heading to Logan County in the morning to do a piece on the elk project down there, Chief.”
I knew he liked to be called Chief, and I felt the mood soften one click.
“That’s good,” he said, “we need something on how the elk are doing.“
Only then did I notice him glance into the corner to a faintly lit figure.
“What else we need from him?” he asked the mystery man.
“The outdoors writer questions seem to do fairly well,” the stranger growled.
My heart took a leap; I may get out of this meeting after all.
“I’ll get right on that, Chief!” I said I as ran out of the room, sped past the secretary, and made my way back to my office hovel to make clickety-clack on the computer keyboard.
So guess what, folks? It is time once again for a “Guns & Cornbread” semiannual tradition: Letters to the Outdoors Writer!
Dear Outdoors Writer In The Paper,
Sometimes you talk about different events you go to and you are there with some famous celebrities in the hunting and fishing world. Do you really know Michael Waddell and other hunting celebrities, or are you just trying to impress us?
Skeptical in Blue Ridge, Georgia
Dear Skeptical,
I am sorry that you may think I would name-drop those who are famous to impress you and other readers. I know Michaell Waddell and talk to him occasionally, as well as his Bone Collector buddies Travis “T Bone” Turner and Nick Mundt, mostly when I see them at the Gamo Squirrel Master Classic that takes place each year in Alabama.
(READ MORE: Squirrel Master Classic is big fun with small game in Alabama)
I don’t think most people out there know what the behind-the-scenes work is like for many of these hunting celebrities. Their busy travel schedule means a lot of time on the road and a lot of time away from their families. And sure, they hunt in a lot of different places and film it, but what you don’t see is many days spent in a cold stand or blind trying to get a few minutes of footage.
Again, sorry if you thought I was only name dropping to impress you. Just the other day I was talking to Jim Shockey and …
Dear Outdoors Writer In The Paper Who Always Talks About Turkeys,
I am new to hunting, and I hear a lot about turkey hunting and would like to try it this spring. You seem to know a lot about turkeys, so what advice would you give to a new hunter who wants to try this type of hunting?
Newbie in Bluefield, Virginia
Dear Newbie,
Thank you for writing to me, and my first inclination is to tell you don’t.
What I mean by that is don’t start turkey hunting and spending a lot of time and money trying to learn about a crazy game bird that fascinates thousands of hunters and routinely eludes most of us. Turkey hunting leads to a lack of sleep, not showing up for work, damaging relationships and usually becoming a terrible liar.
That is just what these crazy birds do to those who avidly pursue them.
Now I know you probably won’t follow this advice and will insist on hunting them anyway. So get one good call you can make a few turkey sounds on, get you some camo clothing (it doesn’t all have to match), find a good shotgun, pattern it on paper so you know where it shoots, and then have at it.
Go turkey hunting. Just remember that I warned you that you will never be the same, and all of your changes will not be good ones. After 20 or 30 years and more failure and heartache than I can express, you may be a turkey hunter.
Will it all be worth it? Beats me, it’s been over 50 years for me, and I still don’t know.
Or you could just take up golf.
I am still wondering who that guy in the corner was.
“Guns & Cornbread” is written by Larry Case, who lives in Fayette County, W.Va. You can write to him at larryocase3@gmail.com.