Here are a few stories I couldn’t get to this year:
› Hunter Biden surfaced as a Democrat hopeful for president. Hunter dodged subpoenas and having to testify under oath about his hookers, drugs and stripper exploits. The Senate and House love a good continuing education seminar.
› Politicians made outlandish returns on stocks thanks to insider information. With the Ukraine war and now Iran, it was a good year for congressfolk. This country used to manufacture military arms to fight wars. Now we manufacture wars to sell military arms.
› Strongman Nicholas Maduro and his wife were snatched up by Trump’s people and jailed for narco-terrorism and for oppressing their countrymen. Venezuelans worldwide danced in the streets – well, all but two of them.
› Trump has fixed D.C. crime, removed graffiti from statues, is working on a new ballroom and cleaned up fountains. Trump is so good at fixing things, Dems might have him count the ballots in the next LA mayor’s race.
› The main issue the Dems have now is that there is algae in the Reflecting Pool which Trump has hired a company to clean. He will drain the swampy water. Another Trump promise made, promise kept!
› The U.S. World Cup soccer team did something no other country has done since 1930: it won two matches in a row. We have much better soccer here now; it is the only upside of Joe Biden’s and Kamala Harris’s open-border policy.
› Several New Jersey congressfolks tried to protest and then break into an ICE detention facility. They have been good friends for years, dating back to their college theater class where they studied manufactured drama together.
› The Chicago Bears football team is sneaking out of the blue city. Last year, NFL teams lost four players to ACL injuries, one hip injury, three shoulder injuries and eight players to gunshot wounds.
› Dems and Repubs continue to gerrymander districts ahead of the midterms. An enterprising art thief could steal a Picasso from the Chicago Art Museum and replace it with a map of Illinois’ congressional districts, and no one would be the wiser.
› Outgoing national intelligence director Tulsi Gabbard unloaded documents on Dr. Anthony Fauci as she left. She said he funded the Wuhan lab, lied about COVID’s origins, and perjured himself before Congress. He did a lot of damage. It gets worse. Early in his 50-year-plus Washington career, he encouraged Yoko Ono’s singing career.
› It looks like the Iran war is settled for the 20th time. Trump said 100 days ago that it would end in unconditional surrender. He just did not say which side would do what.
To be fair, negotiating with Iran is like the average American diet: ceremoniously announced, technically ongoing, often violated, no metrics and perpetually being renegotiated.
Time will tell who wins the war, Raytheon or Martin Marrietta. Or will it be Haliburton for the money they make rebuilding Iran? Hard to say.
› As if NIL in college sports could not get any worse, Congress is getting involved to fix it. If I were Arch Manning making $5 million a year in college with Texas sorority girls all over me, you’d have to get ICE officers to drag me kicking and screaming to the NFL.
› With Musk and Bezos, we are killing it in space, and even NASA has big plans. With Artemis IV, NASA introduced its four-person crew (one Hispanic, two whites and one Black guy) who will land on the moon in 2028. This is good; at least one of them will already know how to moonwalk.
› Robert De Niro, Jane Fonda and Rosie O’Donnell continue to fly to anti-Trump events and spew vitriol. They have Trump Derangement Syndrome so acute the airlines charge them an extra $100 for their emotional baggage.
› Entitled millennials are not stepping up. We had a 30-year-old in our neighborhood almost die of starvation when his Uber Eats delivery guy had a flat tire.
› It is not that I am any better. I got the new GPS for those over 65. Not only does it direct me to my destination, but it also reminds me why I am going there.
Contact Ron Hart, a libertarian op-ed humorist, at Ron@RonaldHart.com or @RonaldHart on X.