DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend, “John,” for a year and a half. He had been divorced for two years after a 20-year marriage. He told me he and his ex, “Jessica,” were still good friends. I thought it was OK since they were co-parenting a child.
I moved two hours away to move in with John. Then I realized he was constantly talking and texting with her and food containers in the fridge were from her. He depends on her. John admitted he still depends on Jessica for everything from dinners to paying his bills and daily conversations. They are both in relationships. Their kid is 18 and has graduated from high school. Am I wrong for not wanting to move forward in this relationship? – CONFUSED IN MONTANA
DEAR CONFUSED: To say that John is overly dependent on Jessica would be an understatement, and Jessica seems to like it that way. You’re not wrong for preferring not to move forward in this relationship; you are intelligent. For you to move forward, Jessica would have to step aside – and it appears that neither she nor John is open to doing that.
DEAR ABBY: I am a petite, 53-year-old woman who works out four to five times a week, so I’m in very good shape. I often perform manual labor jobs instead of hiring someone or using equipment. I regard it as an opportunity for an extra workout. Someday I may have to take the easier path, but not yet.
When people see me do things that are considered hard work, they presume I need help. For instance, today I bought 30 cement blocks to start building a wall. Several men asked if I needed help. I refused politely as I always do, saying they were thoughtful to offer but I didn’t need help. They replied, “No problem.”