DEAR ABBY: I married someone who turned out to be very abusive and controlling. I felt powerless to leave. My children are adults. Their example of marriage was awful. Seeing three of my four kids in similar abusive relationships is painful.
When two of my girls reach out to me, I’m supportive and try to be helpful. Will my advice fall on deaf ears? Should I just listen? I don’t feel anything I say will help. – UNHAPPY MOM IN THE SOUTH
DEAR UPHAPPY MOM: Of course you should listen, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t also weigh in on what is happening to them. Point out to them that what they witnessed while growing up was not normal – and explain what is acceptable in an adult relationship.
You might also apologize for not being stronger earlier, and explain their father had eroded your self-esteem to an extent that you were paralyzed. If their experiences mirror yours, point that out, and offer them the number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233). It might open their eyes and give them an escape.
DEAR ABBY: My siblings and I have always enjoyed spending quality time together, and every eight to 10 weeks or so we get together for “Siblings Day.” There’s no set schedule or particular date; one of us will call the others and say, “I need some siblings time.” (There are five of us, all over 60.) Sometimes we meet at one of our homes and play board games or cards, or dance in the living room and enjoy the laughter that comes with it. It’s a time when we just enjoy being family.